A Funny Old Game

27 years ago today: Nicolas Anelka, inexplicably wearing goalie gloves, latches onto a filthy flick from Zinedine Zidane to score for France at Wembley. What a time to be alive.

Today we celebrate the birth of a Champ Man legend. A goal-poacher supreme plucked from the streets of Portugal. Rumour says he was a data mishap. A figment of the imagination. But mishaps don’t score 50+ goals and win the Champions League. To Madeira. You were real to us.

38 years ago today: The Nutcracker

Eindhoven, 1994. A teenage prodigy touches down from Brazil ready to begin his Eredivisie adventure. Mesmerising speed, both with and without the ball, allied with ice-cold precision in front of goal. He was unlike anything we’d ever seen before. He was Ronaldo Luis Nazário de Lima. Fenomeno.

It’s the anniversary of this ruthless Ian Rush hat-trick on a frozen Friday night at Villa Park in 1984. - Sidefoot - Volley - Lob Goal machine.

It’s Steffen Freund’s birthday today. You remember him. German international midfielder. Euro 96 and Champions League winner. And close personal friend of Big Dunc...

It’s Ivan Zamorano’s birthday today. Chilean goal poacher supreme. And the original false nine.

It’s 36 years since The Rumble at Roker Park. David Speedie and Gary Bennett have a difference of opinion that spills into the crowd. The game descends into a Royal Rumble… until Big Cyrille Regis steams in to restore order. The Beautiful Game.

It’s the 20th anniversary of this gutter filth from Guti. Such a lack of respect for his fellow professionals.

14/01/00 Steve Guppy produces the Best Shit Clearance Of All Time. Wait for the replay. Sensational use of the crossbar. You can’t coach that.

27 years ago today Watford and Sheffield Wednesday are locked in a penalty shootout. The deciding kick falls to Big Kevin Pressman. “Panenkas? Not for me, pal. I’ll just give it some welly…”

This sublime John Barnes set-piece is 36 years old today. He only needs one step to hit the top corner… and leave the keeper tangled hopelessly in the net. Effortless.

TELLY GOLD: On the anniversary of Graham Taylor’s passing, a reminder of this delightful ad for Yellow Pages from back in the day. Football lost a gentleman.

On behalf of CM01/02 fans everywhere, Happy Birthday to a true legend of the game. From Cheltenham to the Champions League. Captain, Leader, Legend, and the man who taught Cafu everything he knows. Thank you, Duffer. You were the best of us.

TELLY GOLD: On Bryan Robson’s birthday, a reminder of his tremendous cameo on “Jossy's Giants”. Incredibly, he was beaten by Michael Gambon at the 1987 BAFTAs. Those judges wouldn’t know talent if it slapped them in the face.

27 years ago in Serie A: Simeone ➡️ Ronaldo Ronaldo ➡️ Zamorano Zamorano ➡️ Baggio Baggio ⚽️ Six touches. Four legends. One glorious golazo. That forward line was ridiculous.

It’s 36 years since a Swansea fan invaded the pitch (and scored) at Anfield in the FA Cup. So much to enjoy here: - The shoes - The denim - The melodic slow-mo - And then the steward’s slide tackle that finally sends him sprawling This is CINEMA.

Adrian Mutu is 47 today. You remember him. 👕13 clubs 🗒437 league games ⚽️161 goals 💊2 drugs bans 📰1 lifetime ban from national team 👍2 models married 👎🏻2 models divorced 👄1 blood-sucking tryst with a porn star 💰1 €17m fine Carpe diem, son. Carpe diem…

32 years ago in the Clasico: Romario enters the Seeya Later Hall of Fame. “It’s showtime, pal. Get ready for some razzle dazzle…”

It’s 25 years since Big Dunc became the first person to drag an intruder back INSIDE his property. Bring yer dinner.

TELLY GOLD: No finer way to celebrate Attilio Lombardo’s birthday than by watching him do the Lambada on Gazzetta Football Italia. Weekend telly in the 90s was a wild ride.

It’s 36 years since David Hirst started the 90s in absolutely sensational style…

Today the Champ Man universe celebrates the birth of the Greatest Footballer You Never Saw. Before Messi. Before Cristiano. There was a legend of your laptop. A prince of your PC. Three words that changed your life forever. Tonton. Zola. Moukoko.

21 years ago today: A sensational shitwhistler from Leighton Baines at Portman Road. You don’t stop those.

It’s been 26 years since a young Antonio Cassano scored his first Serie A goal. Goodness me, look at that utter scoundrel of a first touch. Sanitise hands after viewing.

It’s 35 years since a young Paul Gascoigne got the ball at Maine Road… and did this. Fast and fearless. A frenzy of potential. This was Gazza with the world at his feet.

Every now and again I remember this Les Ferdinand outfit at a mid-90s Newcastle fashion show. What days they were.

It’s Chris Waddle’s birthday. So here he is scoring The Greatest 6-a-side Goal of All Time. Sweet mercy. That is sensational.

It’s Eoin Jess’ birthday today, so here he is activating the launch codes… and detonating. What a fucking hit, son.

This week in 2008: Football journalism has never been better.

It’s the 30th anniversary of the debut of the Premier League’s greatest ever keeper. Outfield players going in goal, wearing ill-fitting jerseys, is a sight we may never behold again.

Happy Birthday to the original Championship Manager wonderkid. In 93/94 snapping up this wizard of the dribble guaranteed you goals and glory. A prince of our PCs. Thank you, Nii Lamptey.

It’s Ludo Miklosko’s birthday today, so here he is receiving a telly as a MOTM award in the early 90s. Tremendous.

David Hirst + Puma Kings = goals galore

It’s Les Ferdinand’s birthday today, so here he is slapping in a set-piece at Boundary Park in 1994. No complaints about that surface. Like playing on a bowling green.

It’s David Hirst’s birthday, so here he is scoring a sensational shitpinger at St James’ Park in 1989. STANCHION.

It’s 33 years to the day since one of the great goals of the 90s. Paul Gascoigne vs the entire Pescara defence. A genius at work.

A real rascal of a goal from Peter Beardsley this week in 1989. First there’s the instant control of a ball dropping from the outer limits of Earth’s stratosphere. Then the nonchalant nutmeg of Colin Hendry. And finally, a clinical finish.

On Paul McGrath’s birthday, a reminder of one of the great defensive performances of all time. Italy. Giants Stadium. 1994. Unfit, but utterly unbeatable

30 years ago today Milan and Lazio are locked at 0-0 in the 87th minute. Then George Weah gets the ball, rinses the whole defence and wins the game. Just another Serie A Sunday for one of the best in the business.

It’s Antonin Panenka’s birthday today. And to mark the occasion, here’s Julian Dicks giving it some proper fucking welly from the penalty spot…

It’s the late Toto Schillaci’s birthday today. You remember him. Sicilian striker. Italia 90 icon. And scorer of this spectacular Serie A Scissorbastard…

Once Upon a Time in Florence…

It’s 23 years since Royal Antwerp fans unwisely invaded the pitch at Beveren... ... and were welcomed by a straightener from Graham Stack. HAVE IT.

33 years ago today Gazza became a Lazio legend by scoring a last-gasp equaliser in the Rome derby. It was his first goal for the club. Timing.

Del Piero in the snow. Barely leaving a footprint, of course…

It’s Roberto Mancini’s birthday. You remember him. Suave, sophisticated, scarf-wearing Italian manager. And scorer of the sauciest volley you’ll ever see. You dirty, rotten scoundrel.

To grow old is to accept that you’ll never look as effortlessly cool as Claudio Caniggia in a big leather jacket, stonewashed denim and a white sock/ black shoe combo…

42 years ago today “King” Kenny notches his 100th goal for Liverpool with this perfect ping off the stanchion at Portman Road. Majestic.

It’s the anniversary of Alan Shearer hitting the ball with great vengeance and furious anger at Ewood in 1994. Unstoppable.