Ryan, Perdido en TX

Give a man a fish and someone with a thousand fishes is going to bitch about people getting free handouts. Teach a man to fish? Yeah, that person with a thousand fishes is going to bitch about that too.

They got this shit going on the free elevator music channels lmao.

Nobody: … The current President of the United States of America, regarding Nicki Minaj, for whatever reason:

UH lost. Texans lost. I simply cannot anymore.

Sarah, explaining to me what’s for dinner:

Bonus football.

Guys only want to hear one thing and that’s “YOU CAN MOVE ON THIS GAME AS IF IT HAS ALREADY BEEN PLAYED!”

Defense is getting nasty and Utah don’t like it.

Not liking where this is going.

The Liberal Crime Agenda.

I take no satisfaction in this 3-0 halftime lead.

Almost that time for some University of Houston Cougars football. Eat em up, Coogs.

Old enough to know why the screen name MiltonBerlesBabyArm is funny, young enough to achieve an erection on my own.

I think we can all agree that Dr Pepper is barbecue water while Diet Coke is refrigerator cigarette.

I always forget that Local H was a white guitar/vocalist and black drummer band who absolutely fucking rocked as exhibited by their hit sound Bound For The Floor.

Brisket croque madame. 🤔

An unscrupulous long haul and LTL trucking company named No Loads Refused.

Just saw a white kid walking a beagle through the neighborhood and welp there goes my property taxes.

Me, to the Houston Texans:

☕️

Apparently Bobby Pulido follows me on Twitter. That’s neat.