RevBeaker

I think the best part of BG3 is that you get to spend as much time loading from crashes as you do playing.

"I WANT TO SEE MOVING PICTURES ABOUT SPIDER-MAN!"

Weekends need to be three days because Sunday, a day spent being miserable due to the fact that work starts the following morning, doesn’t count.

Ruin a book by adding a word: Blood Sausage Meridian

This cat would have been unimpressed by Alexander the Great

This was me when, after going back to college, I received blank stares from the other students after saying, "Same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel."

Travelers missed a marketing opportunity with the Hartford ballpark. A giant mechanical umbrella that pops out of center field whenever it stops raining. Filled with puppies that parachute onto the field.

I’m not sure when it became okay to not respond at all to invitations to children’s birthday parties but it’s a trend that should be reversed.

I’m not sure what our new kittens eat, but what comes out is concentrated evil. I’m on a different floor of the house and can still smell it.

Most people: Kittens! How cute! Me: My fearful attachment style will not let me enjoy this fluffy ball and instead focus anxiety about the possibility of passing my neuroses onto my child.

My son loved The Hobbit, but his kindergarten mind immediately picked up on the lack of women in it. When I started talking about the characters in the Lord of the Rings he was incredulous that the Fellowship was all male.

Metallic, Chromatic, Gem, Ferrous, Planar, Lung

Need to start planning now if I'm to have my Sexy Smaug costume ready by Halloween. Why.... yes... that is a bare spot in my armor😘

My child has taken to bringing up my being an engineer. This is problematic as I don’t want to crush youthful enthusiasm but I also don’t like to be reminded of work.

Reading “The Hobbit” to my 5 year old and may have just hurt my throat voicing Smaug

D.A.R.E. spent too much time warning about peer pressure to do drugs and not enough time warning about accepting the papacy.

My 5 year old wants to read a race car book instead of The Hobbit tonight.

2 Car Queue is my all transportation engineer 2 Live Crew cover band.

He… he knows her views have been made quite available on public media, right?

Well that was an easy unsubscribe, @workingfamilies.org

It’s amazing that we all look like this on the inside

The internet today

maybe I'm focusing on the wrong thing here but this is the wildest shit I've ever heard a white South African say and I study racism for a living

Ouroboros of Dipshittery was my high school nickname

@democrats.org guys like this are why I only donate to people primarying sitting Democrats.

It me

@heldermira.bsky.social happy birthday!

Poopin’ Cosmonaut was the theme of my senior prom

This morning, I started up my computer, and Microsoft Edge filled the screen with this message: LET'S RELIVE WHAT MADE 2025 SO SPECIAL! Dear Microsoft Edge, please let's not.

Pretty wild that I’d need to add a kilt to my normal outfit in certain areas of Scotland.

My favorite part about Wordle on the Times website is the part where it insults you. “You solved the puzzle in two steps, but your second guess was expected to leave 1.8 possible solutions as opposed to my guess which would have left 1.2. I therefore award the correct guess a 68/100, moron.”

I should buy a tuba

I want to play the "What almost killed you" game, but I don't feel like any of my encounters were close enough. Sure I've flipped over a car, a riding lawnmower, a sailboat, several bikes, and have had plenty of other close calls - but nothing that required medical attention...

I’m not sure what game Dock’s is inventing but it has my interest.

Potatoes are unpleasant but they can at least be improved upon by frying them or slathering them in some form of meat sauce. The same cannot be said for sweet potatoes which are unpleasant no matter what is done to them.

Pizza is pie.

Buckaroo Bonzai Against The World Crime League

Pharma: These are the nighttime cold pills. You take them once before going to bed. Me: Makes sense. Pharma: These are the daytime cold pills. You take them a few times during the day. Me: Got it. Pharma: We give you the same amount of each in a box. Me: Wait…

USMNT has to do with soccer/football and has nothing to do with mutants, ninjas, or turtles.

Flu vaccine clinics at work are good. Clinics where you can check off boxes to get additional shots at the same time; extra good. Being sleepy from vaccines on work time instead of free time; double plus good.

Will Bored Ape NFTs increase in value due to plague monkey release, or will they further devalue out of fear of monkey herpes?