Ppallo

Congratulations to the thespian Noah Wyle on his win. I have seen some clowning come my way though and I thought it best to clarify. "For Your Consideration" ads in the trades are an industry standard when campaigning. This is the case whether paid for by a studio or a private individual.

I would say the most morally confused person I know is Maggie who loves to post pictures of her three adolescent children online but blurs out her and her husband's faces from the images.

Just tried to Ppallo ppost and honestly it's fucked up how hard it is

Commission for a Jedi with a sick poncho

Had to get rid of my mood ring as it kept changing colour to orange for "covetous of brother's wife" whenever I was around Samantha. I don't understand why they would even have that be one of the options?

Ah Lady Montswartz I see you are taking well to our brew, it's definitely not being away in mountain air from your awful husband and the sherry rich gilded vivarium your sex and status demands you live your life in, no it is the peppermint that is bringing you such vigour!

I would love to have a run a health spa in the past. Have rich men and women not drink alcohol throughout the day and rather have some clean spring water, and lightly exercise and bathe and then claim that their feeling slightly better was due to the strange proprietary tea I was giving them.

Wife asked if I'm aware my monthly donation is not going to the Red Cross, but rather "The Red and Cross" an association of older angry British men. I wasn't but she framed the question in a way where I would have looked foolish admitting the truth, so I lied. She has such poor judgement.

Credit for the image belongs to the one and only Doug Chiang

Gargonoth, the massive porcine demigod of gluttony and greed to whom the village sacrifices seven virgins every fortnight, has once again made redundant one of his female high priests. It's fucking disgusting. As if women aren't just as capable of cleaning up the entrails of innocent youth.

I came in third place in 2007 at La Course Montagneuse Pour les Vierges, one of the most prestigious long distance running events for virgins. However both the winner and runner-up later popped for having had sex. So technically I'm considered the winner, but I'm just happy to have tried my best.

I came in third place in 2007 at La Course Montagneuse Pour les Vierges, one of the most prestigious long distance running events for virgins. However both the winner and runner-up later popped for having had sex. So technically I'm considered the winner, but I'm just happy to have tried my best.

calling yourselves The Knights of the Round Table is some real Team Discovery Channel level nerd shit. nobody cares how you run your meetings

I really respect the guys in the union for standing up for me in my pay dispute with management. I know for a fact they hate that the company even has an official lickspittle position, and that they make fun of me at lunch for kissing the regional manager's shoes. But they're good principled folk.

Gargonoth, the massive porcine demigod of gluttony and greed to whom the village sacrifices seven virgins every fortnight, has once again made redundant one of his female high priests. It's fucking disgusting. As if women aren't just as capable of cleaning up the entrails of innocent youth.

I was pretty excited when the guy in a hazmat suit said I had a rare pathogen, but I just KNOW that when I try to brag about this at Christmas my cousin Leopold will casually drop he has a legendary pathogen and that will be all anyone wants to talk about.

Cool anti-colonialists get real quiet when it's time to talk about AI-natives. Whatever, I don't expect consistency from my biological buddies.

Every couple years or so I finance some adventurers expedition to find a new trade route to India in the hopes that they would inadvertently find a new land of opportunity. I suspect the future will resemble the past, call me crazy I guess.

An unpopular opinion I hold is that people are basically paid what they deserve. Someone working in elder care is paid what that job is worth to society, and I make seven times that speculating on Chaos Emerald futures, because that's more important. Specifically seven times more importan.

Some people are surprised I invested more money into the guy who slept with my wife's Pokémon Go coaching business after the infidelity came to light. But I separate money stuff and personal stuff, I will never forgive what Jorge did but I believe in his business and I believe in him as a coach.

The wife of the Polish Mob boss, who I was the secret male lover of, approached me at his trial. She thanked me for showing up and said it was meaningful as his "main boyfriend" didn't show up, I was not aware there was another. She also presented me with a framed picture of George Michael.

The wife of the Polish Mob boss, who I was the secret male lover of, approached me at his trial. She thanked me for showing up and said it was meaningful as his "main boyfriend" didn't show up, I was not aware there was another. She also presented me with a framed picture of George Michael.

If you ever hire a private detective and a pair of people show up, and you are not immediately clear on which one is the detective and which is the assistant, the one in the statement coat is the dick. If both are wearing practical outerwear, ask for your money back.

Battleaxe Jenny is always saying stuff like "You boys have your methods, and I have mine" to us men-at-arms before just hitting whatever the problem is with her battleaxe. I think she thinks battleaxes are thought of as a subtle option for ladies.

All my bros are ecstatic I've been able to "bag" the miller's daughter. It's all anyone wants to speak about. However I have reminded them several times to not call her "the miller's daughter" when they meet her, but to call her Susanne. I think it will realistically be a mix of both.

Not that it's any of my business but all this talk of pain at the pump has really made it more difficult to find relevant resources to aid with discomfort related to an overly tight urethra.

No matter how much you hate my latest opinion piece in WSJ "I Lost The Love Of My Life To Woke" you won't hate it as much as my current fiancée does, so save your words.

My buddy Chuck gets pantsed most days. So we have agreed to a system where I determine how long he should walk around with his pants around his ankles such that it's clear to his assailant that he is unbothered by their juvenile act, but where he avoids seeming like a pervert.

My buddy Chuck gets pantsed most days. So we have agreed to a system where I determine how long he should walk around with his pants around his ankles such that it's clear to his assailant that he is unbothered by their juvenile act, but where he avoids seeming like a pervert.

For a few years in the mid-aughts I made a decent living as a muse for battle rappers. I would hang out with the MC who had paid for my service and simply observing me would allow them to come up with truly devastating and savage rhymes to use on their foes.

Our couples therapist has forbidden me from bringing up the fact that my wife open carries a firearm at our sessions anymore, she says it is a "solved issue". The solution as far as I can see is that the therapist herself has started bringing in a long gun she keeps close to her person.

The names that the Wu-Tang Clan name generator is capable of spitting out are just as good as the "real" Wu-Tang Clan members names. If you can't accept that you will not survive in tomorrow's world. I will often spend hours on end generating names, this is how your kids will interact with Hip-hop.

Is the water here good? Aye you can drink it miss, but it is bad water. Foul water, morally evil water. But it is potable, and we do not recommend buying any bottled water, there is simply no need. Enjoy.

A wealthy aunt of mine routinely bets large sums of money on "prediction markets" that I will find a girlfriend before my 40th birthday. She doesn't believe I will of course, but if she can pay 1500 dollars to make her fourth favourite nephew think he has a 30% chance of coupling up, why not do so?

Fastest man I ever saw was from two villages away, he raced a local champion mare over five furlongs one rainy morning. The press stayed home dry. But I saw that kid win by fifty paces. He never raced again, after the war he focused on Jai alai, which he was poor at, but loved.

A team of researchers has come to the conclusion that I am not actually sentient, only capable of a high degree of rote memorization "like some parrots". They're very thrilled about it, I find it all very offensive, but only succeed in verbalising that about 70% of the time.

Christening a baby is nothing like christening a ship. I know that now. Once again I can only apologise.

Made the jumbotron at the hockey game today, apparently I'm the fan the players of both teams agree is least sexually threatening. Pretty specific category but it's all in good fun. They also came back to it later when announcing the attendance, bit much that, but I'm a good sport.

In a better world, not a great one necessarily, but a better one, a "polymarket" would be a dating service for slightly annoying people who nonetheless had more sex by volume than any charismatic and conventionally attractive person you have ever met.

I have instructed the front desk to no longer simply say we offer all the basic creature comforts but to specify that while we aim to ensure all guests have a wonderful stay we cannot and will not accommodate Yetis or Yeti-adjacent bipeds.

Bachelor weekend as my wife is at a wedding in the city, her former mistress asked my wife to walk her down the aisle. The newlyweds will keep living at our pied-à-terre, my wife suggested we give it to them as our gift, but I still have my male pride, so free rent and a toaster it is.

Last remaining native speaker of dying language so personally off-putting and difficult, linguists prefer to work around him. "To me the last man to speak the language died in 2012, one fluent, strip video poker addicted, rat remains" a leading researcher commented.

My demanding sister, the lady of the house who I financially depend upon, is furious I called her acquaintance Serena's horse a "handsome beast". Apparently the horse is obviously not good enough for Serena and she's embarrassed of it. "Anyone" could have seen this I am told.

My lawyer friend's himbo boytoy, who I'm seated next to, is asking me to explain the host's "Denial is not just a river in Egypt!" joke for the third time. He is very sweet, unbelievable eyes, and I'm sure he'll be a great "aura healer", but I truly can't explain it more clearly.