tulip 🌷🐱

it’s weird having my whole life defined by “being nice” and i do not know how to turn it off. i strive to be kind and understanding, but i am obsessed with being Polite and Agreeable. silently tolerating and patiently enduring misery for the sake of other people’s comfort

this is not good for anyone in the long run. trust can be broken if someone thought i was ok when i really was Not OK At All. meanwhile i just keep contorting myself into different shapes in hopes that i won’t inconvenience anyone. it fucking sucks so much

i want to play with my thinkpad t61 again but the backup battery might need replacing. the hardware maintenance manual suggests giving it a good 8 hour charge with the a/c adapter, before trying to disassemble the laptop + replace the battery. but somehow i doubt that'd fix a 19 year old battery

schlarb.bandcamp.com/album/cosmic... re-listened through this album last night. delicious meal

feel like i overlooked/forgot a lot of the klyfta stuff in my hypnospace playthrough back in 2020. when @witchcian.bsky.social played through hypnospace this summer, i got really invested in all the musician storytelling & songs i hadn't taken the time to listen to before. very dear streams to me

god i feel like a fun-ruining bitch every time i take a stand against twitter

the problem with looking for ideas for obsidian planner/journal stuff: it is impossible to avoid annoying techbros who talk about everything in terms of Project Productivity and Optimization. blood pressure... Rising... urge to hit these jerks with hammers... Also rising

sometimes maturity means sighing and letting go, even when people are wrong about your special interests. especially when people are wrong about your special interests. just walk away

i've been thinking about trying out a daily planner. writing down physical notes has been really useful lately, and i want to keep better track of my health and plans and daily life things u_u

i already use obsidian for drafting blog posts and some other stuff, but i haven't found a good organization method that feels "right" to my brain for like. Daily planner stuff. i could dig around for ideas, but also part of me craves the tactile feel of a physical planner...

rapidly flipping through websites in english, french and japanese... c'est very 難しい

there’s still a part of me that gets kind of nervous over discussing disability stuff openly. i am afraid of not being taken seriously even though it impacts like. My entire life. fate really looked at my penchant for micromanaging details and went “have fun doing that for your entire life idiot”

man, having weak legs but stubbornly caring about fashion makes it so hard to shop for new shoes. i keep eyeing dr martens, even though i KNOW that is a *TERRIBLE* idea when i have chronic pain and weakass ankles. i cannot "break in" shoes without causing myself so much harm lol But What If,

i love the pair of timbs i miraculously found at goodwill a few years ago. they fit perfectly and they support my ankles so well. however after wearing them daily through last winter, i accepted that they're an accessibility nightmare (no zips, just laces) and modifying them would look janky af

fondly remembering the time i brought over a late 00s web design book with a bunch of screenshots of contemporary websites to go through with damien. the irony is that i don’t actually like that era of web design that much but it was a delightful date

re: last repost: i got curious and did some digging about Dressmaker. and i started crying when i read that the game's development started because the dev's partner couldn't pursue costume design professionally because of ehler-danlos syndrome www.creativebloq.com/3d/video-gam...

when i first saw Dressmaker, my *immediate* thought was "oh, wow. you have to account for the stretch direction of the fabric? ok, someone must've really done their research here" so i figured that an experienced seamstress was involved. the disability wish fulfillment is hitting me so hard though.

guess who got a 6500XT GPU for $90…! i have been using a 1050Ti since 2021 and i’ve been desperate for *some* kind of upgrade and a switch to an AMD GPU, even if it’s minor. i don’t have any games i’m “targeting” for performance but i just want better linux compatibility