Plane Shifter

"Here," the witch said. She gave her girlfriend a small pearl. "I made it for you." "What is it?" "A small blessing. It can make a small change to you. Just think of what you want and swallow it." "Could it give me wings?" "That's too big." Her girlfriend swallowed the pearl, and began to purr.

Another master came to see the swordmaster. "Let me watch you teach." He watched a lesson, then asked: "Where do they get their swords?" "Some have their own, others borrow a school sword, like this." "This is an exceptional sword!" "If you have a bad sword, you learn to fight it, not use it."

"Come out and fight!" the knight called. "Very well," the dragon replied. "As the challenged party, I get to choose weapons. I choose pistols." "What? I have a lance and horse!" "I don't. Here is a matched set, pick one." "Those are cannons!" "Tomayto tomahto. Pick, or forfeit the challenge."

Tiger Nerd and Nerd Tiger!

Opinion polls said they were going to lose, unless someone had a genius idea. "You know the water company that put 'sugar free' on their label?" "All water is-" "But only one said so, implying..." "Genius!" "Who," said their candidate after losing, "put 'I do not eat human meat' on my posters?"

As I was crossing the river, a person ahead climbed the railing and jumped off the bridge. "Chat!" I said. "Why did they do that?" "People often jump off bridges because their friends do," Chat said. "Was that person your friend?" "I don't..." "You said you wanted friends." I threw the phone.

The first wave of teleporter pads were installed in places lots of people were already going to. The second wave were installed where previously only a few had been able to go. The third wave came with a guarantee you'd be the only one there. They're expensive, but the silence is priceless.

"What are the peasants' demands?" the king asked. "Fair taxes, stronger rights, fewer privileges for nobles." "Bollocks! Send knights out to disperse them." "They have dragons, sire." "What?" "The dragons claim a more equal society is more stable and prosperous." "They hoard countries now?"

The sage on the mountain greeted the visitor. "I have been to the witch in the forest," the visitor said, "and the swordmaster in the city, and asked their advice." "Concerning what?" "How to live a good life. Now I ask you." "Be kind. Be yourself. Keep learning." "That's what they said, too."

The smith tapped the sign hanging over the display table: "You bleed on it, you buy it" "Don't worry, I know how to- Oh! I didn't even notice!" The smith bandaged the customer's hand. "It's tasted you now, it knows it's yours." The customer paid for the knife. "Is it magic?" "Craft."

The first question the professor posed to her new invention, the consequenceometer, was: "If I can learn the consequences of decisions before deciding, will I be more decisive?" "No," the device said, "you will probe the consequences in ever greater depth, indecisive." She never used it again.

The label said 'time machine'. "Does it work?" "Bah," professor Contretemps said. "It sends a message into the future, where it is reflected back, and receives it instantly." "Wow!" "Useless. You just see what you write." "Does the sender and receiver have to be in the same place?" "No. Why?"

"To prove you are a hero, you must slay a dragon." "They're all dead." "Well, then you must slay a dragonslayer." "They're also all dead." "Dragonslayerslayers?" "There's one left." "Great! Then-" "He's ninetyseven years old. Listen, I just want to help people." "I guess that'll have to do."

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Thirsty Tiger

People, young and old, came to the witch for directions. "I seek adventure." "I seek wisdom." "I need a place to feel at home." "I feel like I need to cry, but I can't." The witch listened, and told all where to find what they sought. And the local library thrived. #CrossRepost

Captain Clever tore Dr. Dastard's door open. He held a press release. "Is this true?" "Yes. I'm donating my fortune to things governments won't fund, like women's shelters and trans support." "Why?" "People call me a tech billionaire. Feh! I'm a villain, not a villainaire! And stop hugging me!"

"What's your body count?" the emperor said. The assassin almost choked on his tea. "Pardon?" "How many people have you killed?" "Also a personal question." "Either way, I'm sure mine is higher." "So?" "I'm sorry." "You don't say for what." The assassin stood. "But I'll let you live. Again."

The fairy presented the contract. "As discussed, you will get inner peace for the rest of your natural life, in exchange for your firstborn." "Correction," the boy said. "My father will get inner peace, in exchange for me, his firstborn." "Ah! You have siblings?" "And a mother." "Very well."

🌈✨🕊️

"Yoink!" the dragon said. "That's mine now." I took a breath to protest but was distracted by being able to take a breath. I took a few more, without a coughing fit. "You healed me?" "Pff. Why would I do that? I stole your cough for my hoard." "You hoard illnesses? I can help you find more!"

Nerd and Tiger hanging out

"I'm sure you know this," the swordmaster said, "but to be a good teacher, you must be a good listener." "Mm-hm," said the witch. "And if you are a good listener, people will talk to you." "Not all." "No. But those who nobody listens to..." "Yes." "It's... heavy." "You can send some to me."

Belle fell in love. When Beast realised, he raged, which made him realise he, too, had fallen. He could not, and would not, compete. He respected her choice. As the last petal fell from the Rose he sighed. His servant would not become human again, but would forever remain Library.

The young hero, Chosen by Fate to save the world, studied the dragon dubiously. "And in its hoard is the legendary sword Grisntand?" "Yes," his old mentor said. "Which I need to slay the Demon King?" "Well, no. But I thought that since we're questing anyway... The museum would be delighted!"

"What did you call it?" one of the biologists said. "Bob," said the boy. "He's my friend." "I doubt 'he' is the-" "Never mind pronouns," the other biologist said. "This a new form of life!" "Nonsense, it's clearly a fungi!" "Actually," Bob said, "I'm a cheese." "And my friend!" "Indeed."

"People say it must be great to be so strong and free," said the werewolf, "but they don't trust you." "And wolves have their own packs," the witch said, "and you smell weird to them." "How did you know?" "We are many, us living in the between. All we can do is be ourselves, as well we can."

"Huh," said the dragon. "Would you care to explain?" "Yes, I'm not a princess all the time," said the milkmaid. "Only on bright spring days. Once they end, I turn back into me." "How come?" "Oh, I was bitten by a princess." "Again, how come?" "She couldn't help herself," the milkmaid grinned.

... users can be found giggling, crying, or simply staring into the distance saying "Whoah..." We spoke to one, and asked how they feel about warnings that the practice is addictive: "I could stop, but I don't want to." Some experts say if reading was invented today it would be banned at once.

"What is the deal with knights anyway?" the dragon asked. "What do you see in them?" "I was told," the maiden said, "that they're very fit thanks to all training. And that I should admire men who are good at violence." "Hm. And do you?" "What else is there?" "Hah! I'll let my princess tell you!"

A spaceship landed in the park. A door dilated and a distraught alien emerged. "What's happened to the library? It's gone! The one thing your civilization had going-" "They moved to a new building," a passer-by said. "Don't you have ways of finding these things out?" "Yes. I ask at the library."

The message from the stars began with a sequence of numbers, but the rest took years to decode. Most was context to translate the message: "Those are the winning lottery numbers." The numbers matched the next draw after the message was first received. Now we received another sequence...

"I'm bored," Zenon said. "Are we there yet?" "I told you," Odysseus growled, "to stop asking that." "Oh yeah? What are you going to do, somehow double the time we have left to go?" "Yes! Every time you ask! Just to spite you!" "Pfff. Are we there yet?"

I noticed a neighbour had set up a little library box in their front yard. I checked the books and saw they were all jumbled up. I had only moved a few when a net fell on me. "Gotcha! Oh..." "What's going on?" I asked. "There's a feral librarian around." "Ah. Catch, tag, feed, release?" "Yup."

I was waiting for my robot friend when a sleek stranger came up to me.

The sword master nodded. "I see. Well, I'm not one to back down from a challenge. And what type of sword are you most interested in learning to use?" "One of those long ones with the elaborate guard." "A rapier? In human size, or your size?" "Does it matter?" said the dragon. "A bit, yes."

"What is your favourite part of your job?" the reporter asked. "That's a tough one," said the book. "For me, I would say being re-read." "Because it shows you were loved?" "No, you can feel that at a first read. It's that I can show more than the first time round." "It's more intimate?" "Yes."

"Oh! Excuse me," I say as I feel the familiar tug, "I'm being summoned." I materialise in a pentagram in Hell. I glare at the demon. "I wish I'd never taught you how to reverse the ritual. I was at a party!" "We're out of salt liquorice." "Fine, I'll buy some tomorrow. Now send me back!" *poof*

"What is your wish?" the genie asked. "You know the story of King Midas?" "Ah! You want all you touch to become gold?" "Not gold, book." "Book?" "The object I hold will become the book I name." "I can get you a kindle and a credit card?" "I like paper books. Oh! And the author will be paid!"

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