Patrick Barb

Human art wins because us humans are weird little freaks who enjoy weird little freak stuff. Try as they might, machines will never truly be weird little freaks like us. So they try to be perfect—an even MORE unattainable goal than being weird, little, and freaky.

Universal Monster-matronics for the "Haunted House" ("Haunted Hallways and Classrooms," really) at my kiddos' school's Boo Bash event later this week. Created by yours truly. Still have some fine-tuning to do (and a Drac), but A has been an excellent model so far.

“The Bigfoot video has been debunked.” When asked for further comment, the debunker said, “GRRROOOARRRGHH ARRGH RAWWWR” and stomped off through the underbrush.

Mainstream media desperate to make GOP candidates seem competitive, especially in blue states: Could this turd actually be chocolate cake? So-called experts say no. But why don’t you take a bite just to be sure…

The mostly Facebook ads that are like “Authors your books may have been used by AI & we can get you money” but then pair that message with an image of the most AI-ass image of a bookshelf imaginable? Those are certainly a thing.

You know who REALLY hasn't given back to writers (and readers) though? That Stephen R. King guy. Think of the damage done to people's bookshelves because their Aunt Carol "thought that you'd want a book by that author you like and they just all look the same to me."

Story/character idea: someone who becomes a vampire solely to outlive and piss on the graves of ALL the fascist dickheads.

Newsletter's back. Spooky season's greetings, y'all.

#RecentlyPublished Well, a lot happened in-between this acceptance and its publication. Ahem. But I'm still proud as heck re: my first poetry sale in the HWA Poetry Showcase Vol. XIII. "Final (Girl) Exam" is in there w/ work from a ton of other uber-talented folks.

Back at it again at the Krispy Kreme. Newsletter with: * Recent publications * An essay that wasn't published about the ties between The Decemberists and folk horror. * Updates on my writing projects * Reminders about my Ko-Fi shop and editorial services patrickbarb.substack.com/p/so

#RecentlyPublished A reprint from my debut collection PRE-APPROVED FOR HAUNTING. You can now read my Wes Anderson meets Stephen Graham Jones-esque tale "Iggy Crane and the Headless Horse Girl" over at @penumbricmag.bsky.social

Do you know how many hours of practicing bad takes one has to endure in order to produce a take this bad? Hate it or love it, this is peak performance, y'all.

Back at it again at the Krispy Kreme. Newsletter with: * Recent publications * An essay that wasn't published about the ties between The Decemberists and folk horror. * Updates on my writing projects * Reminders about my Ko-Fi shop and editorial services patrickbarb.substack.com/p/so

#RecentlyPublished Well, a lot happened in-between this acceptance and its publication. Ahem. But I'm still proud as heck re: my first poetry sale in the HWA Poetry Showcase Vol. XIII. "Final (Girl) Exam" is in there w/ work from a ton of other uber-talented folks.

#RecentlyPublished A reprint from my debut collection PRE-APPROVED FOR HAUNTING. You can now read my Wes Anderson meets Stephen Graham Jones-esque tale "Iggy Crane and the Headless Horse Girl" over at @penumbricmag.bsky.social

Instagram comments: "Please send this post to—" Too late, I already sent this post to your mom. PS She loved it.

#BookMail (this arrived damaged & I'm hoping I can get it replaced) LOST_CREEPYPASTA_COMPLETE_FILES.PDF by Alt 236. From the fine folks at @hollowpress.bsky.social who put out the Vermis books & other cool books/pieces of art. An illustrated monograph-ish essay on creepypasta in hardcover. Oh my!

Face/Off for Tax Purposes

These are the vibes I bring to the function.

#BookMail The latest from the homie Luciano Marano via @saltheartpress.bsky.social Witch Bone Blues. Pitched as folk horror noir AND it has cursed media, too? You had me at hello, sir.

Visted Toronto over weekend including @littleghostsbooks.bsky.social . Great store! Seriously, go check it out. Of course, I picked up books: This Movie Doesn't End the Way We Want by @haileypiperfights.bsky.social & This B Just Won't Die! by @tanyapell.bsky.social. Fantastic writers both!

Having such a strained relationship with my bills that I've started to call them williams. But perhaps you'd like to change that by sampling my editorial services (including query/proposal reviews, developmental editing, & mentoring). Rates and more info here: patrickbarb.com/editor

"BlueSky, it's your cousin MarvinSky, you know that new insufferable self-righteous holier-than-thou smugness you've been looking for...?"

Catching up on #RecentlyPublished (though I don’t even know if this one is technically out in the States yet…): My “Best Horror of the Year”-featured folk horror/fucked-up love & revenge tale “The Scare Groom” appears in FOLKLORE HORROR SHORT STORIES from Flame Tree Press.

Thank you to all the contributors in October's #Penumbric: Amy Zhang, @dpbrownwrites.bsky.social, Amy Power Jansen, Denny Marshall, John Leahy, @marysoonlee.bsky.social, @christinasng.bsky.socialg.bsky.social ... www.penumbric.com/currentissue... #fiction #poetry #art #scifi #fantasy #horror

And more thank yous! Nick Porisch, Michelle Koubek, Nicholas De Marino, Ron Sanders, J.F. Sebastian, R. Mac Jones, @patrickbarb.bsky.social, Lora Gray, Carl Scharwath, Veronica Reinhart, @l-foxauthor.bsky.social ... www.penumbric.com/currentissue... #fiction #poetry #art #scifi #fantasy #horror

Freddy Got Goldfingered North by Northwestworld The People Under the Stairs vs. Larry Flynt Something John Wicked This Way Comes

#BuyMyBooks TURN. My vampire pro wrestling novella from @alienbuddhapress.bsky.social. Dracula & Renfield in the world of death-match wrestling.

Oh, wow, what a coincidence. I happen to have a Nobel Prize that I keep with—check it—a whole-ass cask of Amontillado right down in my vault here

#BuyMyBooks PRE-APPROVED FOR HAUNTING. My debut short-story collection still available from Turner Publishing (got a spotlight in their newsletter today). W/ a foreword by @richardthomas.bsky.social & some of the very best of my early stories. Some of your favorite authors liked it, too. Probably.

What is the film that came out before you were born that you've watched the most times?

Hello. I am almost 44 years old. I am both a writer AND an editor. Yet somehow, I am just learning the phrase is “just deserts” instead of “just desserts.” So there’s that.

#BuyMyBooks PRE-APPROVED FOR HAUNTING. My debut short-story collection still available from Turner Publishing (got a spotlight in their newsletter today). W/ a foreword by @richardthomas.bsky.social & some of the very best of my early stories. Some of your favorite authors liked it, too. Probably.

Another round of revisions on PAST THE PLAYGROUND done and dusted; and now it's back to my agent. All that's left to do (for now) is to start the next thing...

Starting* to think this Gavin Newsom guy sucks. *Have thought so for a while now

You don't like me? You hate me? You have a more nuanced but still ultimately negative view of me? That's OK. Nothing you can do will ever cut as deep as a classroom of 1st graders telling me: "You mean like PATRICK from SPONGE BOB???" And then laughing uproariously. So, up your game, haters.

Friends don’t let friends start podcasts.

#RecentlyWatched BUDDY. Yes please. Still remember watching Too Many Cooks for the first time and becoming a fan for life of Casper Kelly. I think Kelly is probably the filmmaker most in touch with where horror media tastes are going for the next generations.

#RecentlyWatched The Mangler. Based on what I remember being a pretty fun Stephen King story. Directed by Tobe Hooper. Starring Robert Englund as the lead human villain. And yet…oof.

#RecentlyWatched The Man Who Wouldn’t Die. Another of the Lamberto Bava made-for-TV movies. This one is a real hodge-podge, dark as hell, with a cynical heart, and not a single redeemable character.

Me, too damn often:

#RecentlyWatched Peacemaker Season 2. Wild to think about trading Game of Thrones (the books!) theories with @jamesgunn.bsky.social on MySpace to the state of things today. John Cena as Peacemaker is one of the best castings of all time in superhero film-land.