Pango Bismol

You walk in your kitchen and see him raiding your fridge, wyd

It's amazing how many people can't understand that subsidizing the lifestyles of billionaires is an economic drag, actually. The US can't invest in infrastructure because we can't just buy a bridge or a railway, we have to buy a bridge or a railway plus some asshole's yacht.

Idk who needs to hear this, but if you are “proud” of something you bought, something you were born into, or something you naturally just are by default, that isn’t pride, it’s that identity politics you pretend to hate so much

Can't wait for this show

What do you mean you’ve never heard of Isaac Neutron

When the stock you’ve over-leveraged for loans to finance buying the presidency so you can enact your Dark Enlightenment horseshit starts tanking and threatening you with personal insolvency

so the plan to save tesla's stock price is to have an even more unpopular person endorse the brand to his rabid base of people who can't afford a tesla anyway? this must be that 5D chess they keep talking about.

Could God create a psychiatrist so powerful they could even help Kanye?

I’m making a new line of greeting cards

Someone should tell the Democrats that it's actually okay to rock the boat if it's actively sinking

Wow very effective

Life hack: lower your calorie intake by adding grape jam to your hot dogs

While you’re being obediently outraged that an imperialist war might end with an outcome you didn’t want, another country is proceeding with its plan to annihilate an entire ethnic group with your implicit support because the corporate media hasn’t told you to be outraged about that one.

Ah, my country

"omg america supports a dictator in russia" wow you're going to be surprised when you hear about Chile, Venezuela, Paraguay, the Dominican Republic, Brazil, Turkey, Egypt, Iran, the Philippines, Spain, Guatemala, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Pakistan, Nicaragua, Indonesia, El Salvador, or Congo

tfw your stupid face falls off and you're trying to call a nurse but nobody shows up because you fired them all

Vogon poetry is famous for being the third worst poetry in the galaxy.

It sucks what’s happening in Ukraine and all but if you’re more upset by Russia’s land grab (and our passive acceptance of it) than by the unnamed Zionist apartheid ethnostate’s outright genocide (and our active involvement in it), I don’t need to hear your opinion about anything.

Also,

It’s just a good show

If they would just start with cutting that half a trillion from the military budget, it would take a lot of pressure off the retirees and hungry children they seem to be so intent on robbing blind. Weird how they don’t just do that.

Uh oh the centrists are mad

I’m going to become a billionaire by installing park benches with automated anti-homeless spikes you can remove for 30 minutes at a time by paying my company $10.

When u accidentally get the wrong implants

more words

a lot of people are real mad that the US is fast becoming a country where only [checks notes] white, land-owning elites have any political power ... hey wait a minute, that was always the plan. what are they complaining about

I’m starting to think the Democrats’ biggest fear in all this is less about saving democracy and more about people realizing how much power a president actually has, if he chooses to actually use it, and then realizing how little Democratic presidents have ever done for them.

If only there had been somebody shouting about the feckless cowardice of liberals and their inevitable surrender to fascists. If only we had known that those who depend on the capitalist order will always defend it, even when that means joining the fascists.

If you’re a federal employee, now would be a superb time to not be a Just Following Orders guy

It’s wild that the USA’s official policy is to go ahead and personally lead the ethnic cleansing of Gaza and most people are just mad about their social security numbers being exposed to a guy who could buy them in about 3 seconds anyway

Hey could we get Democrats to stop “trolling” and start… idk, opposing literally anything

wordssssss pango.substack.com/p/too-many-q...

This is how the aliens piloting Elon Musk’s brain are born

If anything happened since, say, January 20th that has caused you to start worrying about the plight of people in Palestine, please just keep it to yourself and shut up like the last 15 months for the sake of your own moral consistency

Nelson Mandela has ruined another timeline. they moved Venice, Italy from the ankle of the boot to the bottom of the European butt cheek region???

It’s adorable, but who are they asking to arrest him? The agencies that have also been taken by the same regime?

Entirely too many people protest fascism when impacts them but support it when it impacts someone on the other side of the planet instead.

I have a fever but I can't tell which kind it is. Yellow? Scarlet? Dengue? Saturday Night? I suppose I will have to wait for the coroner's report.

Imagine being so far up your own insulated liberal ass that you actually forget that throwing yourself into the teeth of the machine to save children from genocide is also an option

Laws are meaningless without enforcement. It does not matter what is or isn’t legal when no one in government can or will enforce the law. When democrats failed to take 1/6 seriously, they signaled the surrender of the republic to fascists.

First DeepSeek, now this. What will those Communist Devils think of next

If you’re waiting for Trump’s base to realize they’ve been duped, I have just one question: How, after 10 years of this asshole, are you still this stupid?