Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️

everything is fucked up but you have to keep going

I am on a bus and an old man in the seat in front of me is watching an AI-generated historical Korean soap opera auto-translated into Spanish on Instagram in vertical format at 2x speed at full volume on his phone

in the 1980's the soviet union was commonly mocked in the west as a gerantrocracy because it was managed by men in their 70's, don't hear much about that these days

cat realized the water fountain is the matrix

how can we all get the same card on the same day? isn't that the opposite of how tarot cards work?

It may be possible

another great day on earth. fucking sucks sometimes but I guess it's better than waking up on Venus

it's so easy to become lost in the labyrinth of your own bullshit, feels great when something snaps you out of it

ah yeah there's just several years where no laws can be passed, that's democracy

Some useful public speaking tips from Freud here.

I tried to remember what the daily wire was today, but I had it confused with the daily caller, and I was actually confused with the daily beast, all of which are competing in my brain with the daily mail. Make up better names

imagine just,

the veep being excommunicated would be the most "veep" thing I could imagine

doesn’t seem so scary.

lowkey underrated snack: bowl of plums. really nice when chilled. great for breakfast

helping my mom backup her old busted laptop and among many insane things, my favorite so far is this recipe for Onion Syrup (from Onion Syrup.PNG)

fuck your cold ass plums

fake. this isn't real. we fooled you. it never happened. not this time. it wasn't real. made up by our authors. it didn't occur. not this time. wasn't real.

he's got the vibe

the heart wants to cry "will stancil forever" but the mind remembers that he is not radicalized enough yet

if Michael Avenatti were president

I apologize for previously referring to Will Stancil as "Will Stencil"

the pope has been awake for 32 hours watching this game

what's been going on over here

Late at night in an alley in Brooklyn: Jeffries jumps out saying, "We got you now!" as he fumbles his brass knuckles to the ground "The Baileys send their regards!" says Schumer, feebly waving a child-sized baseball bat

The Sunspot Model Of Middle East Intervention by @onionweigher.hellthread.vet who needs to come back here because Twitter doesn't deserve them...

cringeocracy with mid characteristics

looking through my contacts list which is filled with years of garbage and people I dont remember. best entries: Angel Taxi Chair Fabrizio Goose Jim Knife Max French My SHOES Nathan Cold War Nerd Test Results UFO Asian Food Vet Furryland Will Gnostic

this is like a disney adult going to disneyland getting a lecture from goofy about the importance of having a healthy diversity of hobbies

If you are trying to pull the bad damsels at the Ren Faire you don't need chainmail, you don't need a longsword; you need to be focusing on period appropriate footware. No lace holes! No heels! No soles! Toes as pointy as possible. You need to look like you tied a wet envelope to your feet

cutting the stale baguette at multiple oblique angles to minimize visible surface crust while maximizing french-toastability

hehe

nobody seemed to notice this before the election (which he lost anyway) but this sentence has an extremely specific number of words for a sentence that includes "race" and "the future of" and "western civilization" weird how that keeps happening

The global market is not happy with me!! -- that's okay, I'll still keep exporting that garbage.

the economy rn

at this point I'm 99% sure that they asked "hey @grok how can the US expand its territory without decreasing the percentage of white people?" and it told them to annex Canada and Greenland