NewsThump

NewsThump

@newsthump.com

Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.

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NewsThump
@newsthump.com

NEWS! Reform promises to rescue Britain by taking money from people who can’t work and giving tax breaks to people who don’t need to newsthump.com/2026/10/26/r...

newsthump.comReform promises to rescue Britain by taking money from people who can’t work and giving tax breaks to people who don’t need toReform UK has unveiled plans to rescue Britain’s economy by ensuring people who cannot work have less money, while people who can afford never to work again get to keep even more of theirs.
NewsThump
@newsthump.com

NEWS! ‘We’re like a family here,’ explains boss who would apparently make his own children redundant to protect quarterly bonus newsthump.com/2026/10/23/w...

newsthump.com‘We’re like a family here,’ explains boss who would apparently make his own children redundant to protect quarterly bonusA company director who regularly describes his employees as “family” has clarified that he would apparently make his own children redundant if keeping them employed threatened his quarterly bonus.…
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NEWS! Government reassures voters new gas field is compatible with climate commitments because it says so in the announcement newsthump.com/2026/10/21/g...

newsthump.comGovernment reassures voters new gas field is compatible with climate commitments because it says so in the announcementThe government has reassured voters that approving the Jackdaw gasfield is compatible with its climate commitments, pointing to the paragraph in its announcement which explicitly says it is compati…
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NEWS! ‘If the taxpayer funds a successful business, the taxpayer should expect a return on that investment’ suggests dangerously radical government report newsthump.com/2026/10/21/i...

newsthump.com‘If the taxpayer funds a successful business, the taxpayer should expect a return on that investment’ suggests dangerously radical government reportA parliamentary report has controversially suggested that taxpayers who fund research that helps businesses become successful should receive a share of the financial rewards, despite the longstandi…
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Newfangled technology and the modern world can be confusing for some of us, so if you’re more familiar with cleaning a stylus than curating a Spotify playlist, this Tee is for you! Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> go.newsthump.com/Fd5K4F

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@newsthump.com

NewsThump has been down since 7am due to a major outage in the Google Cloud infrastructure (no, we don't really understand that either). We have satirists chomping at the bit, and jokes to post as soon as everything comes back online... In the meantime, feel free to entertain yourselves...

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@newsthump.com

An exclusive design by HappyToast in tribute to another of the greatest comic creations of all time, The Young Ones, and their classic appearance on University Challenge. Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> go.newsthump.com/L3CwBv

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@newsthump.com

Elon Musk promised "Full Self Driving" cars ELEVEN years ago, and Tesla still hasn't delivered them. If you think anyone is buying a flying car from Tesla any time soon, then we have a bridge to sell you...

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@newsthump.com

NEWS! Bankers worried that extra financial services taxes could see bonuses downgraded from ‘depraved’ to merely ‘obscene’ newsthump.com/2026/10/16/b...

newsthump.comBankers worried that extra financial services taxes could see bonuses downgraded from ‘depraved’ to merely ‘obscene’Investment bankers are about to throw their toys out of the pram as Chancellor John Healey’s plan to increase taxes on the banking sector could see their bonuses downgraded from ‘depraved’ to merel…
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NEWS! ‘Statistics on asylum seeker crime are eye-wateringly bad,’ insists leader of party where 25% of MPs had a conviction for beating a woman newsthump.com/2026/10/15/s...

newsthump.com‘Statistics on asylum seeker crime are eye-wateringly bad,’ insists leader of party where 25% of MPs had a conviction for beating a womanNigel Farage has described asylum seeker crime statistics as “eye-wateringly bad”, despite leading a party which, statistically speaking, is more likely to be a danger to women than any other group…