Pretty Witty Nell

Just back from a funeral and feeling hungry we pulled into a McD drive Thru. Got to the bit where you pay and the man ahead had paid for us!

Found this on the steps of Montmartre when I was six. We did look around for who might have dropped it. But ultimately Mum said to keep it. I’ve loved her ever since and always reminds me of my lovely kind-hearted, anti-establishment, establishment Mum.

Bonkers French people. Poor Limoges. 🤷🏻‍♀️

That TV drama, Time, I went to school with a boy who was later killed by his brother. The brother who killed him went to a local grammar school and one day, fed up of being teased by his older, more laddish brother, he picked up a kitchen knife and stabbed him.A moment of madness and changed forever

I was once kind to a director of a client company who was struggling in her presentation. She was absolutely dying on stage with no one asking any questions so I threw her a couple of easy questions to her visible relief and that of the uncomfortable audience. Now she hates me. People are odd.

Live streaming executions. Is there anything below that? I guess there is. Primitive beings we are.

What’s that? Signed up to cycle London to Brighton 35 years after the only other time you’ve cycled it? Yes. Yes I have *this is the gif for “female cyclist” very accurate actually. Absolutely how I’ll look on my bike cycling 60 miles or whatever.

There really does seem to be a lot of people taking their lives right now. What’s going on?

Do you ever get stuck with inertia? So much to do, but instead of doing it, bugger about at the edges while the deadlines for the stuff that matters creep forward. Annoying myself today

There’s a man who has viewed my LinkedIn profile consistently, about 4 times a year for the last 10 years or so. Never contacts me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

What’s your title… Mr Mrs Lord Cllr Sir Lady Baron Baroness And so on. At the very bottom “Ms” Yep. That’s me

Really hate it when people write “think about that” or whatever. If I’ve just read something, I am thinking about it!

LinkedIn really starting to bug me. “I’ve been working hard since I was ** age, now I’m giving myself some peace and space to refresh…” etc. What do you think everyone else has been doing?

Founders and entrepreneurs on LinkedIn: “Hey bros you don’t f*cking need a degree.” Their company’s recruitment page: You must have 7,000 pieces of paper and 4,000 years of experience for this entry role.

Those boys who died, you just know there are a group of primary school teachers who saw this coming, knew the parents. How do 17 and 18 year olds knock up 37 offences between them, starting at age 15?

I’ve often wondered why I’ve tried and failed several times to read and like Little Women. Maybe it’s the title. But I just find it tedious. I’ve just read something though that says even the author felt the same way and mostly wrote it for money. Feel less bad now

I know I must be an old fogey but it makes me sad to see young mums sitting there next to their babies on their phones and kids out to dinner glued to their iPads. They should be bored and driven to distraction like we were 😅🙃 But seriously though… talk to ya bairns

Reality

“Just gently nudging this up in your inbox” S’cuse me? And also, Don’t.

Rain! Real rain!

Outside last night trying to see the blinkin shooting stars and what’s that I hear…? Naughty neighbours using the HOSE! 😮 I did the only thing a British person can do in the circumstances- stayed completely still and silent until they’d finished.

Do you remember those follow back something or other anti Brexit people? Wondered whether they still existed?

I hate, hate these pervert glasses. Listen to this guy interrupting the filming of Cunk on Cinema. What an entitled dick.

I've seen people suggest you look at the eclipse through a colander. Don't do that, you'll strain your eyes.

My dahlias are very happy that the hot sun = no slugs 🐌 But I wonder where they go?

It’s a strange thing really in the UK that office building security people are nearly always black. Why is that? And what does it say about us?

Flea stuff time is it?

One of the hard things about losing a friend is that there never are new photos, no new memories. Time moves on, but they stay the same. Each year the gap gets bigger

We don’t deserve dogs 🐶 🥲♥️ Good morning friends!

God really loves football. Not so bothered about cricket Tennis, nah

Gabby: What was your highlight of the half time show? Wayne Rooney: When it finished. I thought it was crap. 10/10 punditry. No notes.

Huh? There’s a show in the middle of the game?

I don’t want a “virtual coffee” Just call it a Teams meeting. Or if it’s about nothing really, then let’s not bother.

Mother and two children murdered. You always know who the culprit will be. I think it should carry a special sentence. For those who you should be able to trust. Life without parole.

Come on Clacton!

Feeling all relaxed. What a lovely holiday. My inbox

Oh no! Just realised it’s going to be Wes as Chancellor isn’t it! Ugh. Let’s hope he’ll be wise and keep Rachel Reeves. But he won’t, of course.

Bought this in a charity shop and there were lots of pictures of you inside

Reform have now lost six by-elections in a row in England, Scotland and Wales. Their national poll rating is 26% – below Labour in 1983 – and Farage’s approval rating is -37. They’re very far from the voice of the people and need to stop being treated as such.