Moose Actually

Moose Actually

@moose.horse

North American megafauna (he/they)

92 followers78 following282 posts

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

“Well, the Biden Administration didn’t….” Yeah. They didn’t. They should have. Here’s your chance to be better than them. ⏲️🤷

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

Kid Rock is basically himself from that episode of King of the Hill about competitive eating, but for the Republican Party.

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

Hopping on the 2026 goals train! 1. Exercize every day 2. Get a good photo of the white squirrel that lives on my street 3. Get the guy with sunken holes for eyes and fingers for teeth and a voice like loud radio static who lives under my bed to maybe move into the attic 4. Be more considerate

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

The dull crunch of his chewing and the question of what he eats aside from his own regrowing finger teeth keeps me up at night.

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

So, of all the millions of species on the planet, humans are the only one that evolved anywhere near the level of intelligence to do shit like physics calculations. Sharks, crocodiles, horseshoe crabs… they’re all basically final products of evolution and they’re dumb as fuck. 1/?

View full thread
Moose Actually
@moose.horse

So even if we assume that interstellar travel is achievable and will happen before we nuke ourselves into oblivion, encountering another species anywhere near our own intelligence is astronomically unlikely. 7/?

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

Which kind of makes sci-fi aliens even cooler, in a way, because they’ll never be shown to be stupidly wrong when we discover the real thing. They’re as close as we’ll ever get. 🔭 8/8

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

So, of all the millions of species on the planet, humans are the only one that evolved anywhere near the level of intelligence to do shit like physics calculations. Sharks, crocodiles, horseshoe crabs… they’re all basically final products of evolution and they’re dumb as fuck. 1/?

View full thread
Moose Actually
@moose.horse

So, on a cosmic scale, life is already an extreme rarity. That life having a mechanism for adapting over time, much rarer still. That mechanism favoring extreme intelligence over brute force, durability, or prolificacy, eeeeeeven rarer. 5/?

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

And in the nearly impossible circumstance that all of these coincidences coincide to produce highly intelligent life, it would usually be self-terminating meaning that intelligence would only exist for a relatively short time, unlikely to coincide with us. 6/?

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

So, of all the millions of species on the planet, humans are the only one that evolved anywhere near the level of intelligence to do shit like physics calculations. Sharks, crocodiles, horseshoe crabs… they’re all basically final products of evolution and they’re dumb as fuck. 1/?

View full thread
Moose Actually
@moose.horse

1. Dumb powerful murder machines. 2. Dumb things that are so tough or evasive that the murder machines have a hard time murdering them. 3. Dumb things that are so prolific that most of them can be murdered and still have enough left to increase their population. 3/?

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

Human intelligence has produced an unnecessary combination of all three of these things and it’s made us a destructive force that will probably end up all but erasing the entire ecosystem, including ourselves. 4/?

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

So, of all the millions of species on the planet, humans are the only one that evolved anywhere near the level of intelligence to do shit like physics calculations. Sharks, crocodiles, horseshoe crabs… they’re all basically final products of evolution and they’re dumb as fuck. 1/?

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

Life on other planets? Sure. That could happen on rare occasions. But in whatever ecosystems may exist out there, assuming they have some complex mechanism to evolve at all, it seems like they’d overwhelmingly produce three classes of beings: 2/?

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

Somehow, somewhen, i just know that, at some point in history, there was someone on a Peter Gabriel fan message board with the username “Sledgehog”.

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

You wake up in the middle of an empty floor at a large concert venue. The stage is full of musicians. Stevie Nicks on one side, Survivor is on the other. The silence breaks. A guitar. “Dunandudu Dunandudu…” Is it Eye of the Tiger or Edge of Seventeen?? The pattern repeats endlessly.

Moose Actually reposted

sams_siren_scream
@sams-siren-scream.bsky.social

Greg Stoker aboard the veterans boat of the Global Sumud Flotilla gives updates about the current illegal interdiction of the attempt to break the humanitarian siege on Gaza by bringing baby formula, food, & medical supplies, & establish an aid corridor for the same

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

For those wondering, in the “yeah”s and “no”s in Nickelback’s ‘How You Remind Me’, there are 26 “yeah”s and 14 “no”s for a net of 12 “yeah”s. As if that weren’t enough, in Usher’s ‘Yeah’, there are 79 “yeah”s. 81 if you count quoting themselves saying “yeah”. 1/2

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

They were released 2.5 years apart and both enjoyed lengthy tenures atop the Billboard Top 100. Between these two releases, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs released their biggest hit ‘Maps’, which contains no “Yeah”s at all. Really makes you think, yeah?

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

The doors on Big Creepy Van aren’t a pain in the ass to open anymorrrrrre!!! Is there anything you can’t fix by opening it up and drowning it in WD-40??

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

On Bob’s Burgers, Linda asks Critter how his child, Sidecar, is doing. Sidecar is now starting preschool. Sidecar’s birth was featured in an early episode. He ages, but the Belcher children do not. Why does the cartoon sitcom time stasis not affect this child specifically?? #bobsburgers #chosenone

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

Quick Trip is a weird place. Just watched a man dressed like Lil Jon, in red, head-to-toe, with a matching Cadillac get into a confrontation with an older gentleman in which he actually did the “WHAT?” 1/2

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

In a last ditch effort to avoid an expensive repair, i reached way up inside my washing machine’s drain pump intake and found half a fuckin dog in there. Pulled it out, washer drained just fine, named the clog Sparkles.

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

Just finished a lil tiny woodworking project on what would have been my grandpa’s 90th birthday. Every step was something he taught me how to do. It’s not as great as the stuff he made but i know he’d be proud.

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

Enemy Black Panther on team chat: “JEFF I AM THE PREDATOR YOU ARE THE PREY” *targets our Jeff until the player switches off* Me, a Jeff main: *switch to Jeff (BP is hiding, waiting outside outside spawn) defeat him 1v1, tell his team about it. We win. His ancestors feel great shame.* #marvelrivals

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

“The Biden administration didn’t release it either!” Okay. We’re all also pissed about that. “Your guy sucks too.” isn’t a gotchya when we don’t follow him religiously. Trump and Bondi said it existed and they would release it.

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

Don’t talk to me about your woke-ass “plasma”. There are only THREE phases of matter because that’s what i was taught in middle school before i lost all my neuroplasticity.

Moose Actually
@moose.horse

Whenever i get crippling back pain for no reason, i remind myself that slowly decaying into old age is a feature, not a bug. If i felt 25 at 90, the prospect of dying would be entirely unwelcome. By the time i croak, i hope to have accumulated enough ailments that unaliving is the pleasant option.