Melissa, if you will

National black dog day? Squid the lab mix says say no more

Got my giant wolf dog foster adopted yesterday only for the universe to gift me with what looks like a young, friendly, house trained wheaten terrier. Everything is awful but dogs continue to be the best

CVS texted me to say there’s a severe storm coming. Not because I have any prescriptions waiting to be picked up but because they are professional stalkers. Betting they make a sentient receipt so long it reaches from the store to my house to tickle me awake and ask, have you thought about me today?

Someone please please tell Fig to kick his doggy paddle a little faster. He loves swimming but it stresses me to see his little face barely poking out of the water

You know what? I bet it IS comfortable

Every few months I say to myself, I haven’t been this depressed in a long time. And then I remember. And it only hurts worse

Reading an objectively hilarious hetero romance. They do a private yoga session and the instructor after 5 minutes decides to coach them through tantric yoga. In another chapter she takes a HANDFUL of gummies. Ah yes yes, let’s pop these like actual candy

I know the stakes are high but this final game has a lot of I Will Never Walk Again Jail For 1000 Years happening

Vet offices should have complimentary xannies like they have complimentary dog treats because why am I crying listening to the room next to me sob as they get bad news

I must apologize to dads everywhere. Standing in front of the tv with arms crossed really is the only way to watch some sports

I erred and called a work network ten-kay (10k) on a call A man who should be put in a zoo and observed for his dimwit personality: Actually it’s one-oh-kay (1Ok) Me: One-oh-kay go fuck yourself

Does anyone else look at grown men with naturally blonde hair and think, Oh grow UP

I think cybertrucks always have the darkest tinted windows because the drivers don’t want the rest of us to see them cry when we point and laugh at them

All social media right now is like European falls in love with American culture/food. But is it normal in other countries for their job to make them cry? Have they considered we need ranch to deal with our version of capitalism?

Outside is soup

Has anyone else been to CT and thought, these woods are threatening

Once again in an airport and watching a woman browse the book selection - all upmarket books - and my mind is blown the reading materials aren’t the first priority for everyone’s travel. You’re winging it? Five minutes before your flight?

I put off reading Crying In H Mart until I felt unhinged enough to subject myself. I knew what I was getting myself into but man, I was still not emotionally prepared

Every day there are bird songs I don’t recognize and WANT to know and I’m SICK OF IT

I said a long time ago that baby boomers were the first generation to not want better for their kids. Unfortunately I think Gen X has followed suit with their intense push for AI adoption.

If you’re in line to assassinate Dromp, STAY IN LINE

Palette cleanser time. His name is Limo, he’s 9 weeks old, he’s a doxie mix, he’s my foster and I have one of his brothers whose name is Oolong. Yes, they are this busy about 23 hours a day

Men should be wearing shorter shorts and showing off their slutty little leg tattoos. That is what men should be doing.

Look. If I fell down a well and Lassie alerted everyone I would simply unalive the dog. Please let me have my well time in peace.

When someone attempts to break in to your home while you are inside, you quickly become aware of various local resources. And I can 100% now say I want significantly less money going to the police and all money going to these other resources

Things you’re allowed to do in Kansas: - Pound on a door in the middle of the night and state you’re the police when you’re obviously not - Break a window and convince the police that wasn’t you - Be in the middle of a mental health crisis and if you decline help, police will let you go

It’s 2026, the police just took 25 minutes to get to my very centrally located house after calling 911 that someone was actively breaking in while I was inside. And I have to apologize to them for crying? You can’t fix this.

The fifth flight in less than two weeks and I’m still the only one with a mask on the plane. Wild times.

Did the entire pasta industry have a group meeting they should print the cook time in the tiniest font possible on their bags?

This photo perfectly encapsulates what it’s like to do off leash trail walks with dogs. At least one is always heading off on a side quest

Had a midnight plane landing so hard I’m still not convinced I didn’t die and am sitting in a version of hell - exhausted but forever taxiing the runways even though I don’t believe in an afterlife

The year: 2026. The location? Headquarters of a fortune four company. The situation? A colleague hands me the printed Mapquest directions to dinner and said I have to copilot. The immediate answer: oh gosh no thank you!

This guy turned one year today and not once in the last 364 days have I regretted the decision to take in the emergency foster and her hours old litter nor to foster fail this nugget. Follow your heart folks

I am trying to check my assumptions when people watching but it’s really hard to today I saw an older white man driving a HUGE newer pickup truck with a bumper sticker that said, I Miss My America. What could this mean other than the obvious?

Raise your hand if your boomer parents have ever been personally victimized by themselves

How to tell if your emotionally arrested boomer parent is losing it as they age, a millennial eldest daughter’s guide coming soon

I’m in New Mexico for the night and once again I am reminded that this state has god tier license plates

One of my toxic traits is that the later it gets, the better my concentration. I’m one of those rare people who shouldn’t read before bed because next thing I know I should have been asleep two hours ago.

My newest foster is 8 years old, at best guess, but every day someone asks if she’s a puppy. Let’s all bring that sweet energy into the new year together

It’s more macabre to me that someone is writing AI prompts for glamour shot photos of a sheriff in front of a fatal accident than if someone took the photo for real. It’s just real fucked up this is what people are draining a Great Lake to create

Holy Infant so tender and mild, will never not be about food to me. Christmas choir 2025

As a non-Christian, we don’t appreciate Hark the Harold Angels Sing enough for its brevity! What a nice song!

Opioid update two: people do this for fun?

Side effects of opioids may be sobbing because it’s the first time in days you’ve been able to breathe

How bad does it have to be if your dog loudly farts, turns to sniff, and immediately starts gagging? I wouldn’t know, I ran out of the room immediately but I assume pretty bad.

Is everyone doing alright? Is it just me that the August despair is hitting this hard, this early?

We have reached the point of the summer where I am certain my body is 50% watermelon. I cannot be stopped

Leaving the vet today and a little girl in the lobby stopped me to tell me, My cat has to die today. Obviously this is a sad moment but what an objectively hilariously ominous way to state it. “My cat has to die today”

Once again I ask myself, why am I so fucking sad

Well, it happened. I foster failed this little muppet. His one adoption event a little kid looked at him and asked, what kind of animal is that?