Lumber Jackson

the tinpot dictator has a name, for christ sakes. is it that hard, Jizzwad Dickface, to say “donald jabroni trump”?

A 2025 Nobel Prize winner in chemistry, Omar Yaghi is the son of Palestinian refugees who grew up in Jordan. He just left the US to move to China after raising concerns about rising anti-immigrant sentiment, like the kind shown here. donmoynihan.substack.com/p/china-than...

The only reason I can think of for this news not being absolutely everywhere is that large media orgs don’t want to be seen as putting their thumbs on the scales a week before election day. And that’s cowardly as shit.

the more you spend on an automobile, the less you know about how to maintain it.

If elected president, I guarantee that on day 1, brett kavanaugh will experience a kavanaugh stop that makes this stop look like the puppy bowl

Okay but it’s the Cheesecake Factory remark that was condescending to his voters

Very glad to hear that Elon Musk is a stickler for details on contractor – government relationships. Could come in handy later.

see the missile attack on the girls school didn't count because the previous six months of strikes were completely unplanned, just one continuous negligent discharge. we've got things under control now, though

A big arena with only 300 people? Sounds like, if anything, polling is overcounting support for republicans.

bring back shame

more of this please

If the “American patriots” we have now were alive in 1776, George Washington’s head would have been on a boat back to England on the 4th of July.

trump has been bragging about passing dementia tests since his first administration and after four years of not that, millions of the dumbest people in the world were like we should bring back dumb guy who brags about being less dumb than he will be tomorrow

Wannabe bully who has lost every fight he’s been in seeks insider help to take down the smallest guy he knows and win for once gosh darn it

Here's a photo of a helicopter landed on Joanne's 227 foot support yacht that follows around her 290 foot main yacht

embarrassed by how much I used to like Bro Hymn by Pennywise.

They should make a database of everyone who gets mad at a post like this and permanently strip them of their driver’s license

We were investigating Wedgewood for faking their data and emailed them for comment this morning, ahead of publishing the findings tomorrow. They are now trying to cover up their fraud with the "we were doing a social experiment" excuse. Full story here: blog.fiftyplusone.news/p/fiftypluso...

TRUMP: We gave nothing in exchange for Stephen. We never give anything in exchange for hostages. TRUMP LITERALLY MOMENTS LATER: If I implemented sanctions on Russia, Steven wouldn't be coming out right now.

Me coming home from kindergarten

Washington has discovered a brilliant financial strategy. Cut benefits for people who need them, cut taxes for people who don't, and borrow the difference from people who aren't old enough to vote.

Trump thinks it’s a normal thing for a parent to not notice their small child has been missing for five days.

Kim Jung Un's sister is going to keep the family legacy alive by adopting her brother's haircut

Blaming immigrants for every ill is literally how he started his first campaign for president, so he's not borrowing, he's repeating himself. Guess @theguardian.com forgot to feed that fact into their bullshit generator. Garbage in, garbage out. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026...

Wait, do @hodgman.bsky.social and @janetvarney.bsky.social know about this?

New in PN: The weird rise and spectacular fall of Katie Zacharia "Zacharia is not a victim. She is a lying conspiracy theorist who desperately maneuvered herself to attract the attention of an image-obsessed fascist in hopes that she could gain money and fame by lying on his behalf."

when I'm elected, I will rename the Pacific Ocean "republican tears" and the Atlantic "The piss of every bed-wetting pundit who cried about Obama." Lake America will be renamed to whatever Rosie O'Donnell wants to call it.

when I'm elected, not only will children have SpaceX shares, it will be owned by all Americans when the government takes it over and turns it into a free public utility. taxpayers already paid for the tech; they shouldn't accept that its riches go to 1 wannabe fascist and his billionaire cronies

you'd think being the richest or most powerful person in the world would dampen their congenital cowardice, but alas

if elected, I will turn this golf course into low-income housing

SCOOP: 'Tommy' from the now-viral exchange with Abdul El-Sayed is Thomas Teepell, a former staffer for Republican Senator Josh Hawley with close ties to Christian Nationalist Sean Feucht. He's the son of a former Bobby Jindal staffer whose consultant work was instrumental in getting Hawley elected.

remember this drug addict who dosed himself deaf? we're a lot alike me and him.

trump's choice of katie zacharia is emblematic of his general decision making his entire life. it's why he has so many bankruptcies and felony convictions: he is a fuckup at his core. to the extent he has succeeded, it can be wholly attributed to his ability to con other, sadder fuckups.

The houseplant I just bought—

I bet meg thought her dad picking palin was a genius move

Grew up within sight of NYC in a small town where my class was about 130. I know at least two of those roughly 65 boys were named Donald … and don’t think either of them graduated

You never see a penguin that’s trying to be super cool. They’re all walking around like old guys in the Walmart parking lot in a Michigan winter like “don’t slip don’t slip put those arms out don’t slip good lord Maude will never let you hear the end of it if you fall, George, just take it eaaasy.”

Not Schmuck Chumer

Easy solution: stop bombing shit for no reason

one day, a couple days, a few days, a Zacharia, a week, a Scaramucci, a fortnight, a month, a quarter (or season), a semester, a year

*interviewing kid rock* Interviewer: most people associate you with VD. Why does that feel 100% true on both a logical and visceral level?

LeBron James only lasted 4 days in the NBA and we’re still talking about him

“I spent three weeks binge-watching men raping animals and, sure, I came — I came plenty. But it didn’t make me as horny as I thought it would,” Carlson said.