Marc

Pizza Hut and Mario Party 64. Mom said no grape pop on the carpet.

Elections Alberta misreported at least two on-reserve polls in unofficial results, switching Options 1 and 2. Every other reserve in the province voted 90-99% remain, so it would be a real big surprise if Whitefish Lake 128 and Cold Lake 149 actually voted 90% referendum lol

No referendum count from Bonnyville or Cold Lake yet as the votes were trucked to Edmonton overnight

Sitting in line on highway 16 for border control in Lloyd on long weekends is gonna fucking suck. No, I don't have any books with more words than pictures in my possession.

Life is like an unskippable cut scene: you never know what you're gonna be forced to sit through.

Evil Mr. Beast fighting a K-6 elementary school gauntlet style to see how many kids he can beat before one stops him.

Somebody got "so pissed off they had to go home" ...does that mean that is an option?

You can't use EBT at Baller Tree

"I will be buried under the most luxurious dirt covered in the most golden of piss. American piss, the best. The likes of piss you'll have never seen before, Corinthian columns of piss. Gilded piss."

Getting sucked into a German documentary about constructing a house out of garbage and discovering it's just a regular stick built North American home.

We can't deal with you saying finna anymore, Cartman!

It's getting so dire that the Palestinians across the street took their flag down and put up a Canadian one today. I assume it's in support of us gaining an independent homeland?

NASCAR and F1 are probably off August 8, 2027. Bring back the Michigan 500.

Ordering one slice of each meat at the deli counter, then filming myself reviewing them in my car as sort of a depressing fat guy performance art.

Baconade: the low sugar, high protein electrolyte beverage for the inactive lifestyle.

Once Alberta separates they're opening the Museum of Human Wrongs in Calgary.

Couldn't afford Prime, named her daughter Alexa.

"Dontcha Put It In Your Mouth" is prohibitionist and doesn't allow children to make an informed choice. It's about to be replaced by "Poison? Would."

Getting the full Saskatchewan experience today. Co-op full serve gas, casual racism, driving without a seat belt and camping in a field with no cover while it's 32 above.

Trying to turn this slaughterhouse into a slaughterhome.

Compiling a documentary set in the summer of 2019 called Life Before Covid. Everything is exactly the same except nobody knows who Tiger King is and everyone could buy steaks.

Blasting Death - Symbolic on a $20 Walmart boombox, cleaning the basement in jeans but tarp off, full Randy Bobandy.

Why was Fuck Poppins or Kill Poppins never a choice?

Are they sure cereal works as intended? I eat a lot of it and still can't keep my hands off the fuckin' thing.

I drive past a Merkur for sale down the street every day, is it time?

You talked about your AI, talked about your ChatGPT and it didn't get you anywhere. Well, AustinGPT says I just whipped your ass!

Spawn camping the Krispy Kreme hot light.

People in Canada who think we don't have freedom do not appreciate how hard it is to go to jail here. It's like a fifty-fifty shot you do hard time for killing someone on purpose. On the other side of the line there's people doing life because they don't have $300, never mind the current situation.

The morning after Trump posts Canada and Greenland covered in the American flag is probably not the day to send out the email saying we're finally taking away your ARs. Might be the day to start handing them out.

A particular kind of white woman is looking for gluten free vegan perogies at the store. I just said it's called a potato. She didn't think I solved her problem.

Winnipeg clears everything and their snow budget is $47 million for 7300 lane km, Edmonton's is $67 million for 12,500 lane km. Even a huge increase to $150 million (under one third of the police budget) is a $12/month property tax increase for the biggest quality of life improvement we could buy.

Making a Hallmark movie about inclusion called All Downs Go To Heaven

[Robot leaping about an orgy dodging flopping tits and swinging dongs, until he slips and his left nut is chopped off by a dominatrix's paddle. He picks up his nut and welds it back on.] "My name is Cuckbert. I am a robot from Planet Submissive. I can put my nuts back on. You can't. So play safe."

They invented generative AI so they could say the THROATUS pictures are deep fakes when they leak.

NASCAR is so hard up that Coofandy is sponsoring a car. Is Rlawtdor next?

Watermelon, product of Canada! Global warming kicks ass. Let's burn diesel until we have bananas.

Order in the Food Court of Justice

Making a series of public service announcements about home economics called "Dinner: It's What's For Dinner"

Townsend Bell with a cocaine joke wasn't on my bingo card but wasn't far off either.

It's Facebook Marxistplace, give according to your ability and take according to your need.

Is it possible for the NYSE to start with a limit down at the opening bell?

Unspecified Threats sounds like the title of a late 90s thriller movie. The layers of exposition eventually lead to the conclusion the villain is paranoid schizophrenia.

Need more "pallet jack" and less "jack it, pal" in the warehouse you guys.

Everything went to hell when they switched from the Pil Cube to the Piltangular Prism.

I thought they were going to line up time change and international women's day but they couldn't figure out how to make it only 17 hours.

Getting absolutely gord faced on a half dozen hoserbombs

I must be on a bulletin board the way I'm under a tack.