Jay the Superduper Awesome Cool Guy.

First, the Muppets came for Star Trek, and I did not speak out, because I was not a Trekkie...

I'm still looking for a backer for my new restaurant chain, Soylent Billionaires.

My new ex-landlord has inspired me to get ink with my security deposit refund. Misanthropy is a calling.

It's part one of the "feel good story" of the year! medium.com/@lordfoolery...

Happy Mother's Day to Nurse Ratched, who carried me for nine months and has hated me since conception. I only want one thing for my upcoming birthday: to sit shiva. It's gonna be a hell of a party!

Hey, anybody know how I can book a ride on Elon Musk's next Starship launch for my former gestational unit? I just like the odds.

When I called the insurance company to get a new quote for car insurance, the rep politely explained why he wasn't able to provide it right then and there. I calmly told him that he had failed me miserably and I would be throwing an asteroid at his house within the next 24 hours.

In case there were any further inquiries about the subject, let me emphatically make my point with 100% clarity, for those in the nosebleed seats. Every day I wake up on this planet, it's completely in violation of my free will.

With regards to my profile pic, the state of Maryland finally decided that I'm not allowed to wear my colander. I may try to contact the local media and see if I can make a stink out of it. I'm a Pastafarian, dammit!

I'm here! Now what?