John Roscoe

It's been a long week and you've all been very good, so I'm going to share — for the first time here on BlueSky — the ultimate Mrs. Peel #Caturday video. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... 🔥CHARIOTS OF TREATS (sound up!)🔥

Shltfaced bowler accuses birthday party of denying her right to toss balls at their pins.

Dracula, Frankenstein, Wolfman, The Mummy and Backflipping Caveman Wearing Socks — all present and accounted for; bring on Halloween!

"Pros and cons. At least the plague kept families together." ~ This Guy, Probably

"I for one am sick and tired of American kids being forced to learn Arabic Numerals in American schools!" ~ Guy with a voice like a wet burlap sack full of hissing rattlesnakes pulled by chain up a corrugated culvert that empties into a stagnant bog full of Honey Badgers assholed on cobra venom.

"You're a good boy, Flávio. The President thinks *very* highly of you and he has the greatest fighting force in the world behind him. You can count on us to do whatever needs to be done to help you and your dad." Later... "New phone who dis?"

Nicely done!

I don't pretend to be the Kreskin of ethical journalism, but I don't get how "why are you comfortable [doing x]?" is a reasonable way to frame a question. "Why do you enjoy cheating at bridge?" And "why are you comfortable [doing x {and everybody sees you doing x}]?" seems doubly... ...unhelpful.

Drop a HORROR VILLAIN 😈🖤😱 Forbes McAllister — for getting shot in the chest and causing Knowing Me, Knowing You to be cancelled. Fiend!

Your argument, no matter how finely crafted and rhetorically expert in its construction and delivery, is merely a plaything for right wing agitators. Your Churchillian orations will only ever be fun for them, despite how cunning your debate skills. Don't waste your time. And dump twitter.

Today's the day, #TOpoli! Vote carefully!

"If the techbros can't even win Brazil, what chance has Trump-" "Hush, Bobby!"

I am delighted for the people of Brazil this morning! "even the prediction markets"

"Beware the beast Man [...] for he will make a desert of his home and yours." ~ Cornelius, Planet of the Apes (1968)

Cold https://botfrens.com/collections/69/contents/19206

"Hey Muse, does this mean we're in trouble?" "Haha no, Mark. *I'll* be fine if you put me someplace safe and then turn yourself in right now."

"Use the fecking chamber pot, you insufferable bellend." ~ The Mayde

I AM MADE ENTIRELY OF CHEESE AND FIND MYSELF DELICIOUS what the fucking hell we're just all-capsing whatever fever dream drifts though our porous skulls now.

Victor Servranckx, Opus 16, 1924 https://botfrens.com/collections/14377/contents/1135959

Me and the regular group who like my posts.

"We appreciate the offer, Mr. Poilievre, but-" "I got lots of apples I could bring." "Sir, that won't be necessary." "I can condescendingly lie through mouthfuls of *other* fruits; peaches, pears...." "Thanks, but we don't want to be seen with-" "I will gnaw a hole right through a coconut for you."

"Hast thou these in a ten?" "Nay." "Oh. Mayhap these?" "Again, with regret, I have not." "Pity. By chance, happen ye to have *these* in a-" "[sigh] We've nothing in your size, sir." "My good fellow, art thou resolved *not* to sell any-" "Get ye shod elsewhere, you insufferable quince."

Olivia Colman gazes lovingly up at my ladyfriend from the cozy warmth of her autumnally-patterned tights. #Caturday #Cats

Juvenile robin is a little disappointed. #BirdOfTheDay #Robin #birds #ECK #birdphotography #NatureTherapy #naturephotography

Oh puh-leez. The man is a bilious geyser — a bileser — who lives only to hear his own name on the lips of his enemies and sycophants before he erupts anew in spasms of insult, calumny and whatever skulldinkery his own bent courts will allow. The senator's deal ain't worth the pencil it's signed in.

For the love of God, Charlie Brown!

"Ontario and Alberta oppose the [anti-gambling ad] federal bill." Birds of a feather flock to poop all over everybody.

"You're listening to Dani at Dawn, Red Deer's number one morning show, 4 to 7am weekdays. Today's call-in: what's your favourite doughnut? Caller #5 is on the air!" "HOW DARE YOU SIDE WITH THE SEPARAT-" "Caller #6, you're on the air." "YOU'RE A TRAITOR TO ALBERTA INDEPEN-" "Let's go to commercial."

Mu-hahaha! I'll just yoink this big lovely sack of money from these hapless Brits and spend it on... wait! Where'd it go? My lovely money — it was here just a moment ago!

The Saskatchewan farmer yawns languidly, abandons his crossword half finished and brushs the croissant crumbs off his pillow. "Almost noon," he quips, pulling the blanket up under his chin, "reckon I should get up soon, feed the animals." He rolls over and goes back to sleep.

If I were a sovereigntist who actually had a well-reasoned, fully costed, ideologically coherent idea of what was at stake for my province apart from Canada, I'd be insulted by the patronizing "whatever bothers them is real if it bothers them" approach that comes from "legitimate grievance" blather.

What's next? More division and grift, natch, but what "injustice" will be the focus of the movement's next cause célèbre? Who knows!

'Tis but a scratch! I hope nobody was expecting these guys to end their campaign just because they lost by a ratio of 4:1. Au contraire! With loins girded, a spring in their step and fire in their eyes, they'll hobble onwards to the next humiliating defeat, and the next — this is how they live now.

Diesel-schmiesel: you* can't live without maple syrup. *I

One of the advantages to naming your cat after a famous actor: You get to say things like "I caught Olivia Colman gnawing at the raw chicken I left to defrost on the counter and now she's licking her chops defiantly."

Sweet leg; would store 'brolly.