maria

maria

@ilmutus.bsky.social

writer, musician, currently taking a break from youtube.

104 followers53 following105 posts

Does anyone have a used RTX card they might wanna ship me? I'll pay shipping. I wanna switch out my 1070 for something newer. IF you're European, shipping will be cheap.

BONUS: I've UNVAULTED my first two videos. These are rough and require context (given in the vlog). But I hope you'll enjoy watching my messy first attempts.

Again, sorry for basically ghosting everyone. I've been trying to live a new life without the burden of people watching me constantly. It's a lot to explain. Again, I am so sorry if any of you thought I was dead or something. I just didn't wanna burden people anymore ^^;

My twitter is too big for comfort, and I don't think "maria ilmutus" reflects who I am anymore. I've abandoned aliases in the past for personal reasons. So I'm kinda used to moving on, but I realize some of you may be interested in my wellbeing. So so so sorry.

still alive, no longer using these accounts but i'm here. working on music and dev as always. i hope everyone's had a nice year. i've had a long journey with my psychiatrist and therapist, we're on new medication and well, things have changed. but i'm okay!

the fastest way to catch everyone up is that i've basically entirely changed as a person. this is due to the effects of my anti-psychotic medication. i've been on it for months now and it basically rewired my brain (in a good way).

sorry for the radio silence. my health and life have changed a lot. i'm not feeling too well. it was nice knowing some of you folks. but i'm not sure if i wanna have social media at this point.

lowk there's no actual reason for me to be alive lol. but i have an art project i want to finish and gf who would be sad if i died. but objectively i should end it.

i feel bad that i got a small following from making video essays, when in reality i've been pivoting to music and game development. i just hope people enjoy my work in the future. i feel guilty for not tweeting about anime enough i guess

sorry for being inactive. there's been ongoing construction at my place for 2 months and i'm not really in the mood to work right now.

finally played CRITICAL TRIAL. i've been eyeing this game for a while because i love the artstyle. it was excellent. one of the most moving games i've played in a while. super cute too.

sorry for not making any art in a long time, i feel guilty for calling myself an artist. but i've deteriorated to a point where i can't really make anything, i can barely think. i mostly stutter my way through conversations and spend hours sitting alone, feeling alone. sorry.

i'm making a new album but i feel bad about releasing it. i don't think people should listen to me or care about me anymore. i think it's good but i feel like a poisoned well. unworthy of anything at all.

i haven't been able to properly sleep in like 2 months and idk what's causing it. might be the meds? but it's made working on anything nearly impossible. i feel guilty about putting the channel on hiatus but i'm really not doing well lol.

hey, i relaunched my patreon as a life support page. i don't know when my channel will return. but if you want me to not die, please go here. (link below)

just letting y'all know that i took the patreon down. and i'm ceasing production of videos and things of that nature. i've just been dealing with a lot and after many health concerns i think i'm about ready to stop. i currently don't have a job so idk what i'm gonna do about money but yeah.

hey, i'm not really doing okay anymore. i think i might shut down the patreon and other stuff if that's okay. i'm about ready to call it. i don't know if i can finish the next video.

the new video might take a while to fully edit, since i've been having trouble sleeping and working. i will try to get it out within a reasonable time, but pls be patient.

maria reposted

Sometimes someone posts "54% of US adults read below a sixth-grade level" with a snide, implicitly self-aggrandising comment attached and it really bubbles my piss juice. Low literacy is a failure of system, not personal responsibility. Nobody chooses to be illiterate.

i have not watched video essays in a long time. my FYP is old camcorder reviews, chemistry vids, and this vietnamese auntie that fixes TVs.

apparently using any footage from the Jissoji-directed "Father of Ultra Q" documentary gets my video blocked globally. but not footage from ultraman... huh