America’s only patriot 6’3” IQ 72

I’m coming home to Florida two Saturdays from now for the first time in over a year and I am genuinely more excited to have hot and spicy breaded chicken wings from Publix than I am to see my parents

I have met three women

Dave’s Hot Chicken is too salty

I shiiiiiiiiiit on you

Been living in rural-ish Pennsylvania for a little over a year now and last night I made my first trip to a local spot called Ferri’s Pizza, which of all of the 90 year old anthracite coal mine themed pizza shops I’ve ever been to, is definitely one of them

Vote or die

This is how I sleep at night having only ever heard of Ethan Klein by name and not really being aware of what his deal is/was besides being a guy who was known from being on Computer

fuck

🚨🚨🚨✋𝗖𝗜𝗧𝗜𝗭𝗘𝗡! 𝗛𝗔𝗟𝗧!✋🚨🚨🚨 You are being detained by the 🌝🌊🌟ℙ𝕚𝕤𝕤 ℙ𝕒𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕝💧🌼💦 We will need you to produce photographic or video evidence of your 𝐻𝒪𝒯𝒯𝐸𝒮𝒯, 𝐹𝑅𝒪𝒯𝐻𝐼𝐸𝒮𝒯 𝒫𝐼𝒮𝒮 before allowing you to proceed, failure to comply may result in you being (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ TICKLED TO DEATH ♥

Looks like shit!

Our values are under attack! 😭

A funny thing to do to somebody is to ask if they wanna hear a knock-knock joke, and if they say yes, you go “ok you start it”, then after you say “who’s there?” you get to watch the lights go out in their eyes for a second

I’ve taken an INTEREST in YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!!! 🫣

I’m tryin’ real hard to be normal about this picture but it ain’t working! I wanna smell them armpits!! 🥵💦

Tired career paths: healthcare, data science, renewable energy Wired career path: corporate magician

Hot buttered nuts

MI NOMBRE ES TAPATIO

Nathan Fielder and Elizabeth Holmes are like, “You Can See Everything”, but did you consider that Mister Rogers was like, “You Can Be Anything”? 🥹🥹🥹

After the Threesome, They Both Take You To Dairy Queen

every Looney Tunes cartoon begins inside of Bugs Bunny’s asshole

Great! Now I can start eating ‘em! 🐢🍽️

I get more pussy than any man who lives in my house

Went to Hudson, NY yesterday to see Sunn o))) at Basilica Hudson and all I got, in addition to seeing Sunn o))), was this absolute gargantuan unit of a breakfast sandwich from Hudson Bagels

Where does the pee go

This is one of the funniest posts I’ve ever seen. Absolute psycho shit

YouTube Shorts is where you go when you need to have Michael Winslow explained to you.

what the fuck is this

My bitch? BAD My cash? STACKED My height, physique, fits? LITERALLY ONE OF ONLY TWO SOURCES OF SELF-WORTH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, IN ADDITION TO MY BAD BITCH My internal dialogue? REAL WEIRD My childhood abandonment issues? UNRESOLVED 🚫🚫🚫 My dick game? NOT GONNA LIE IT ISN’T GREAT THESE DAYS

Just remembered that Scott Adams is dead lmaoooo

I found a back door into heaven

I’m buying a trans girl who hangs out in a Discord server with me chicken wings for her birthday today. Does this count as allyship

Dang

This is none of my business

My cum is carbonated

I love Content! 💅

The Rolling Stone writer was right, nobody who deigns 2 share their unsolicited $.02 about what’s the deal with Choosin’ Texas?, who’s listening to Choosin’ Texas?, how is Choosin’ Texas so popular? are interested in anything besides letting you know that They Consume Media The Cool and Correct Way

Happy 30th birthday to the greatest DJ mix album of all time

Fellas, what’s on the goon docket for today? I’m thinking Tilly Norwood, Krysten Sinema (🚨🚨 problematic!), Lisa who I went to middle school with’s mom, and head-in-a-jar Lucy Liu from “Futurama”. And that’s just before lunch! Alright, let’s get crackin’ on this jackin’! 💦💦💦

Titty nipples

I hope the lowlife wretches Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert are enjoying their eternal damnations IN HELL!!! 👹🔥😭

Poopii

Biscentennial Man, the superhero whose superpower is that he smells like a bisexual. Thanks for reading! 👋

I should call her. Because this picture reminds me of her pussy

Thank you for the video of your gushy, squirting pussy. I bet that shit smells crazy. I have jacked off to it one hundred times this week. However I regret to inform you that the position of St. Jude’s Cathedral weekend mass crossing guard has been filled. We will keep your information on file for