Ben

I’ve always wanted to wade into the podcast part of my career, inevitably end up on Barstool and do pizza reviews/defend sexual assault allegations

The lions defense under Campbell has always sucked, but never a wet sock like this. Full on 6-7 win team right here

Nothing that a few swinging pull-ups and medically unnecessary testosterone can’t fix

About damn time. When will these toddlers learn some self dependency? How about you go out and earn your faffle? Also, we speak English in America, not babble

Trump trying to a nuke a hurricane was just a preamble to the entire GOP starting a bombing campaign with the Canadian forest

After mandated T testing was insufficient, Hegseth requires units show up 30 minutes early to PT for ‘individual unit roasting’

Lindsey wasn’t even important enough for the faux hospital tour, where Ted Cruz swears he spoke to him for 18 minutes about Iran, the loved ones in his life, why he kept seeing John McCain in the corner..etc

Celebrating 250 years of America by inhaling all the pollutants we’ve been poisoned with over the last century. Fireworks will be followed by a lead paint taste testing

MLM-ification of the entire economy. Either it all crashes and we suffer a giant recession, or the Nazi-edgelord becomes a lone hegemonic power. A win-win if you will

Putting pictures of hardcore pornography on the brim of my hat to ensure everyone knows how much I disagree with ‘kids run the bases day’

I announce the ceasefire of me and this beer right before the DUI checkpoint

Whatever guardian, I’m off to make corn flakes for birds to curb this disgusting masturbation habit

Science is only true when it proves what I believe in, like the healing powers of raccoon penis

The dinner is continuing and Trump is coming back? It’s gotta be a false flag. The secret service fired a couple shots in the rafters so Trump could get a change of pants after his diaper failed. Operation pampers

Sure laugh now, but you’ll see when we discover the only way to prevent Covid is wearing a raccoon penis on your belt like a rabbits foot

Pope is weak on crime, too much reconciliation with this guy. Turn the other cheek? Not with our mandatory minimums.

Marco downing 7 and 7’s like invading Cuba relies on it. Maybe the state of the union Marco is just how he drinks things

2 week reprieve on the apocalypse. At least I’ll get to finish my son’s Easter candy

God this sucks. “Can anyone save us? I, a US Senator, cannot do anything. The only thing that can save us is the golden hearted troop.” I have and will ignore all the war crimes the noble troop has already committed

Leader of the ‘free world’ threatening genocide of a people. Last 12 hours of civilization everyone!! Woo

Ah yes, the same laser that shut down El Paso last month. Let’s deploy that near Reagan, probably be cool, no air traffic there. Plus lasers! PEW PEW

Need more centrist matty to show up in my timeline to tell me how I need to vote for a sprinkle of fascism and throw his minority of choice to the dogs so the dems can see a poll jump of +0.6 in white men who drive lifted pickups with a roll coal decal on the back

Hegseth furiously refreshing Twitter to see memes about bombmaxxing while he sits in vomit from last nights case of buzzballs

America-The Pillaging and murder must continue, it’s the only thing we export anymore

The dumbest among us harbor the tools to annihilate us all

The furious masturbating for justifications the execution just reinforces the notion that we are fucked.