fí ꩜

JESUS DON'T LIKE BITCHES I WAS FLOATING DOWNSTREAM

anyway i am up late because i got sooooooo attached to my foster cat and i have a series b pitch deck that isn't going to design itself and my girlfriend is coming tomorrow soooo i need to get my life in order in less than 24 hours

literally sooooooooo behind on work because i am a dumbass so i am listening to the music i used to listen to when i was 21 working my first design job and required like the music equivalent of 10 different stimulants to power thru

god i was such a parentified child because why the fuck was i editing and formatting my mom's resume at age 18? holy shit

god i was such a parentified child because why the fuck was i editing and formatting my mom's resume at age 18? holy shit

rationing my stimulants… i am so good at surviving…

i just bought my first electric guitar after years of bumming off rentals, a banjo in high school, and my brothers guitars it’s time to commit… to riffing…

i told my best friend about it and she basically said the same thing that my friend who delivered the news to me told me.

unfortunately found out the answer to the question i should've never asked and it is.... probably, yes. don't ask yourself questions like this because it will invite the answer to find you when you least expect it.

i was a bit snarky before about finding a love beyond what i could've imagined... but when faced with the hurt of someone i care abt as a result of me *moving on* — that snark was a reaction to the emotions i felt when i was with my ex and my ex's inability to love me the way i needed.

unfortunately found out the answer to the question i should've never asked and it is.... probably, yes. don't ask yourself questions like this because it will invite the answer to find you when you least expect it.

like i wish i could reach out and give her a hug about it but i know that is something that isn't possible right now, and would cause more harm than good. maybe in a year or two i can, and she will be in a place to receive it.

unfortunately found out the answer to the question i should've never asked and it is.... probably, yes. don't ask yourself questions like this because it will invite the answer to find you when you least expect it.

i learned my lesson that i'd rather never know.

next week: i'll be locking into work, going back to the gym + beach runs (finally), going back to the studio, taking my meds on time, prioritizing celebrating my best friend and close friends, and going back on calorie deficit after... a month of being indulgent w my gf >.<

enough about my sapphic lifestyle. i showed art in two exhibits this week and co-designed tour merch for one of the best albums of the year... and i also did a spontaneous studio session with my friend after our other friend's show... celebrated my best friend's birthday in the cutest way <3

I can’t believe I fucked around and found a love beyond what i could have ever imagined…

a bird named “website”

maybe it’s a robin, a blue jay, or a barn owl no one knows… for sure. the bird watcher doesn’t feel bothered to specify.