Erosive Horror of Depression

Abandon all hope ye who follow here

I found the smallest bit of happiness that’s unconventional and look I’m just happy and I don’t care to explain it or justify it because it’s for me

teasing closure is not a beginning just close begin again

everytime i get sad about a friend that only exists in a specific time / place i remind myself that wanting more should be tempered by having none and then I am grateful for what I have

I cant do for myself, but I can do anything for others

Them : Are you depressed?

day was so good, but keep going back to the one storm cloud in the sky WHY?!? it was so good, i need to focus on that

thinking about getting thumbrings

those hardest to stay in touch with are always worth the effort

"you are insecure" yes, yes i am

i'm happy for other people why can't i be happy for me? and the things i could do to make it better i'm scared to do to love someone that doesn't love you back and couldn't help you when you needed it is a terrible form of self-inflicted pain

Not quite sad Almost lonely Nothing worthy of note

I need a new handle

no gods no monsters no dreams no nightmares know

I’m alive in spite of not wanting to be

I love you, I want to be with you I don’t want to be your lover or your parner I just want you to be happy, and I know I can’t make you happy

To love someone who is a terrible listener is devastating when you don’t feel heard

just when you think you will never be loved the way you want to be loved ask yourself, but am i loved? because not being loved, in any way, is a hell no one deserves

Suppressing the urge to wake up screaming

Still alive Gonna keep at it for a while

God is dead, and no one cares If there is a hell, I'll see you there

i'm already dreading the holidays looking into what inpatient programs are available

Slowly dying of loneliness

Turns out No one cared

I have two ways out I need a third

3678

Rumination resolved by validation? So co-dependent 😕

Go out in a blaze of fire Or Disappear without warning Both are offer no closure, and therefore selfish.

how is someone being nice to me make me feel like a liar?

a friend forgives you, believes in you and their reward is when you do the same for someone else

they are away they will come back i miss them until they return

People who remeber your kindness are wonderful People who don’t realize it need it the most Be remembered and double down

Just need to make it 3720 more

a pre-emptive strike on grief is the most stupid human behavior

i am a zombie of obligation and responsibility not alive, can't die

i am emotionally laboring so hard right now i feel like

why does embracing oblivion sounds better than processing feelings and trying to have emotional maturity

even though i only love a small group of people more than i hate myself it's enough to keep going it doesn't matter what nice things they say about me, i can't believe it but I live for their happiness and joy, it's all I want please stop lecturing me I can't live this way

slept poorly feeling stressed and panicky i wish i could check into someplace for 2 weeks and do wellness stuff and that someone would tell me how to get back onto a good path and find a way to make 3 relationships better

it makes no sense but when i'm struggling, i try and help someone else

every day alive, is spite to death

#TotallyHealthyBreakfast

"What kind of angel are you?" 𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣𝙚

Destroyed

I need to love someone more than I hate myself I just need someone who is kind and patient with me hiding how broken I am inside

It’s not right Hope isn’t a plan Nihilism isn’t the way Happiness is a choice and can start with making someone happy

everyday i'm alive is a battle won against ideation

2037 is as far as i need to get