Dimlan

After another insane week, it's time to play America's fastest-growing quiz sensation "WTF will it take for them to talk about impeachment on Monday"

If I were a ghost I'd do it in April, when it's least expected.

What, just because Meta endangers kids, profits off scammers, and keeps getting caught trying to overthrow Democracies you think we shouldn't invest in them? We're never going to get anywhere if we have morals

They found the angle

Oh hello, brand new low for the Jets

<Inigo Montoya> I know something you don't know. I've placed a second Dan Sullivan!

The "MAGA Inc" ad, which seems to be about Trump's tax bill, are now the most rational ads. This is how "Bad Place" we're at now.

The Cat in the Hat died of hantavirus. He is survived by Thing 1 and Thing 2

Jesus. How bad do you need to be for *Variety* to call you out.

She's got electric boots, a mohair suit You know I read it in a magazine Druski and the Strokes Druski, Druski and the Strokes Druski, Druski, Druski, Druski and the Strokes Druski, Druski, Druski, Druski, Druski and the Strokes

I wouldn't dare forget "Fat Nan" and "Skinny Nan"

They're cousins... identical cousins all the way

This is just what the Super Bowl needs to break out of its niche

Oh that probably means it's good

The SpaceX shares will be in the back of the van next to the candy

If they spotted a plane made of trees they may have found Gilligan's Island

How the Oscars nominations should be announced

He claims he hates spending time with his dog. But then he takes him to a performance of the orchestra. Hmm.

Who would be a better Press Secretary than whatever the fuck her name was (I've forgotten already) Pictures only!

Google TV recommendations with another miss

If "You Can See Everything" opens above "Melania," Trump is having Elizabeth Holmes executed on livestream.

How badly do you have to want to be famous to show up for a "Bad Girls Club season 7 Reunion on Fandango"

"Texas! F*** yeah! No wussy regulations here. If you want a flying car, get a flying car!" Weeks later "Today we mourn the high school football players crushed by a falling car"

"We just made a billion dollars on Spider-Man! What should we do next?" "Cocaine? Cocaine? Cocaine? Cocaines all around, please!"

Shows used to get renewed like clockwork and then figure it out later, and it was good actually

Whoa! They're rebooting "Allen Gregory"

How long do pickled ancient aliens keep?

Celtics starting their season at 3 pm on a Tuesday, as befits a first round loser

Whatever you've been through this year, you haven't experienced real pain

Just imagine, if you dare, the loss this would've been to our culture

<to the "Ghostbusters" tune> Voting makes me feel good

Help me help you. Help me help you!

By a weird coincidence, AI can also cut viewership by 40%

The Mister Rogers' Neighborhood YouTube channel has posted an endearing "Halloween Comfort" playlist with episodes featuring The Wizard Of Oz's Margaret Hamilton and a segment directed by zombie maestro George A. Romero. tinyurl.com/shvpcsa8

They got $2.5 billion from Paramount for doing nothing, don't pay taxes, and raise prices on 325 million subscribers every year. They can't be expected to employ people!

Marvel's Midnight Universe imprint promotion is out of control

How I arrived on Bluesky

They need the merger so they can get big enough to compete with Netflix but also they're keeping the streaming services separate but the merger will be great for the industry but also there will be massive layoffs.

Sir… We believe in equality. And music. We just came here to play. Spend some money, have a good time. Here, I'll show you.

This is obviously made up. No show could do 26 episodes a season.

Pope'll be so hyped if the Sox win, he'll stay on HBO Max and binge a couple of "President Curtis" episodes before bed

US military commercials used to be about how they'll teach you computer skills Now they're about pew pew pew big guns you're gonna look awesome And the website is literally War dot Gov? Amazing

Everyone is getting the day off except this one person who'll have to write a book report

The best time to give this speech was before ALDS game 1. The second-best time to give this speech is before ALDS game 2.

Fuuuuuuuuuuck off

The gremlin on the wing of the plane while I was watching a "Twilight Zone" July 4th marathon. Made me scared to look behind window curtains for the next several years.

I'm maybe being "grumpy old man" here but I feel like the Pro Sports parity and capability of any team to lose any game is due to Coaches and Star players being susceptible to the AI/Joe Rogan/fad health regimen corners of the internet. Susceptible to Polymarket too, but it's still illegal at least

I hope FOX and ESPN advertisers enjoy being positioned next to odious local political ads airing nationally for no reason.

Hear me out... every Spider character played by 60-year-old Nicolas Cage.