Shelton is my middle name.

'We The People ...but not *poor* people, they're gross.'

'BUT SHE LAUGHED! ...A LOT!'

KILLIONAIRES.

It's all part of my rock and roll fantasy...

I would totally kiss Hitler on the lips. He has hella 'passionate lover' energy. ..and don't come at me with that 'genocide' thing. We're not talking about that.

'How about you go fuck yourself - tryin' to tell me this shit ain't butter!'

Soap on a Rope disappeared overnight in 1987 and no one said a fucking word.

I'm pretty stoked that Bob Dylan is finally gonna be famous.

I'm over fireworks.

No dryer sheet has ever been thrown directly into a wastebasket.

Blue sky is a fucking graveyard in a ghost town. (crickets)

Anyone else sick of the Blue Sky intro?

Some of you have never had content removed ...and it shows.

There are no adults in the room.

Normalize using chocolate milk as creamer.

How am I just finding out now that Hard Rock Nick is dead? Rest well behind that velvet rope in the sky, Legend!

Wouldn't Jesus want this? 😏

Bro didn't even last a full Scaramucci!

Hey kids - god is fake. Happy Thursday! #atheist

I'm here. ...and I'm here for this.