Matt Dylan

My first 200 game (214) bowling two handed!

At least my investment in tulips is safe.

You people should really be nicer to our favorite President, DJT.

If I was a politician and some fake news reporter asked me what my favorite Bible verse was, I’d pick something from Solomon.

If you are disappointed the rapture didn’t happen, you’re wrong and you have a different reason to be disappointed.

If by some wild chance a Democrat becomes president in 2029, the Supreme Court will get a bad case of vertigo reversing themselves so fast.

I’m considering combining my DOGE rebate check with my tariff rebate check to buy a big American pickup truck.

Here’s a rule for all politicians. When something bad happens, don’t tell me who is to blame. Tell me what positive steps you are taking to fix it.

No more DEI! (Donald’s Exclusion and Inequity).

President Trump is doing such a great job that he deserves a promotion. He should be the next Pope.

If I want to buy groceries, the first I do is go to the grocery store and kick the manager in the groin.

Will the mule notice when he gets hit with a 2 by 4?

I think I’ll ride my velocipede down to the country store and buy some groceries.

Don’t worry about the economy. Republicans have a plan to solve the nonexistent furrie problem.

Yes, Anthony, it’s good that the stock market is going down!

I guess if you have a small stick you learn to speak loudly.

Bought a dozen eggs yesterday for $8.99. Soon restaurants will be charging an egg surcharge.

Are Canada and Mexico begging for mercy yet?

These people are so ridiculous you can’t even make jokes about them. I didn’t expect that Trump himself would blame DEI for the airplane crash.

If we get rid of the fire department and police department, not only will we save money but we won’t have any more fires or crime.

I’m glad that President Trump has signed an order forbidding anyone in the federal government from calling anything disinformation or misinformation. So now nobody in the government, including Trump, can say anything is “fake news “.

Doesn’t the human pictured on the cover of this month’s National Geographic look like a Klingon?

I can just imagine Bob Uecker saying “We must be in the front row!” to David Lynch while they wait by the pearly gates.

All Chuck Norris facts are actually about someone else who is too bigly humble to allow his name to be used.

While CNN and MSNBC are covering Jimmy Carter’s funeral live, Fox News is showing C-list celebrities blaming Democrats for the L.A. fires.

It’s just terrible that our dear future leader is being slightly inconvenienced by Jimmy Carter’s death.

I sure hope that’s it’s not as cold on January 20 as it was for Reagan’s second inauguration. Just think how disappointed the millions of people crowding DC would be if things were moved indoors.

I just heard that the attack in New Orleans occurred because the FBI was investigating January 6. Sounds logical.

The ACC is going to have to start paying their football players more or they’re going to get kicked out of the power four.

Panama, Greenland, the Moon?

Just for fun I like to imagine what Simpsons characters 47*, Dr. Evil and the rest of the Billionaire Cabinet would be.

I hear DOGE is hiring henchmen. You may not work remotely, you must report directly to the underground lair.

I guess the capitalists are having their doubts about the 47* economy.

My house is so perfectly aligned East-West and North-South it had to have been built by aliens or using alien technology.

I really dislike those gas pumps with video screens playing ads and infotainment.

Don’t you get really annoyed at people who don’t know the secret MAGA handshake?

Is the water in Pennsylvania fluoridated?

I‘ve been doing a lot of online shopping this year. Someday someone is going to start selling advertising space on all those boxes they are shipping.

A large owl perched on your deck rail peering at you through the window will get your attention.

Shortly after the elections in 1980 my college advisor said that the capitalists had fired Jimmy Carter and hired Ronald Reagan. I thought that was a little over the top, but it rings truer every year. Do you suppose the capitalists like 47*’s tariff plans?

I switched to two-handed bowling this year. From watching pro bowling on TV I figured two-handed is the future. Kind of like the Fosbury flop or “soccer style” place kicking, where only a few lunatics are doing it then it is so obviously better it becomes the standard.

Maybe this is too politically incorrect for the “objective” media to say, but the Republicans have become experts at using racism to win elections. It’s hard to admit to ourselves that that still works.

The more 47* packs his administration with billionaires the more ridiculous the pundits who said the Democrats lost because they “didn’t connect with” or were “out of touch” with working class voters sound.

When Hunter Biden was being prosecuted did Joe Biden go on social media everyday screaming about witch hunts? Did Joe Biden appear on camera telling vicious lies about the prosecutors and their families? Did Joe Biden swear to get retribution?

If Biden had any decency he would do the right thing and pardon Trump.

There were no Red states and Blue states before color TV.

I forgot to mention this yesterday, but I am thankful for the 22nd and 25th amendments.

No candy

Do scammers have to ruin everything?

My first tweet from June 14, 2009: “Picking my feet in Poughkeepsie”. Hoping to continue keeping it classy here on Bluesky.