Conky

every room should have 150 electrical outlets, and also other assorted jacks and ports

i'm beginning to think world WASN'T a vampire but this guy was telling on himself (vampire)

i've been staring at this wondering why the text is on a photograph. why is it better that I can barely see a window & a fan blade around the edges. why isn't this just text. this is a web site built for making text posts. this is probably the moment where i fully lean into being antiquated online.

I'm the fifth Beatle and the sixth borough

If I were a carny psychic and I had to do a cold reading of a 10 year old girl I didn't know at all, I would say "empathetic, creative, animal lover."

department of war is less good at handling antiques than the department of defense. makes perfect sense.

my one time password is 6-4-1-3-5? God, it's so obvious these things aren't random. if they were, what are the odds it would go down in the middle and up on the edges like a big smile on a day when i'm happy?

ngl, if you post anything even mildly supportive of the world-famous millionaire at the expense of the independent store, i think your phone should be taken away and you should have to spend 5 years working retail so whatever "online discourse" has done to your soul has a chance to heal.

i was in a hurry, i didn't go to my regular store, and i bought some bad butter. i got 4 sticks of shit butter now. i don't even go through butter that quick. i'm going to have the bad butter for 3-5 years probably.

Seeing the iced coffee discourse has blown up on Bsky like 4 days after the rest of the Internet was talking about it. This site is never beating the "elder millennial holding pen" allegations

New Criterion Channel app bad. It brings me no joy to report this.

i believe NBA would be 10x more popular if players were barefoot

how many of the people who are sure that AI is going to kill us all were also sure that we were living in a simulation in 2010?

Something happens in the news every day that reminds me of the classic quote from Jurassic Park: "your scientists were so preoccupied with being dumb assholes, they didn't stop to think if they shouldn't be dumb assholes."

i do not know of this Ellison. to me, Paramount will always be a "Gulf + Western Company"

I was getting ready to leave work and i realized I wasn't wearing my glasses and i looked all over and found them on THE FLOOR like they were the glasses of a DOG

i hate AI so much that i'm constantly copying and pasting random prose i find online into AI so the AI can tell me if i should hate it because the writing is AI

"Agentic"? I thought everyone was saying "agent ick" like "ai gives me the agent ick."

90% of the people interacting with this are treating it like a sign that was hung in a real window, when the entire "photo" is AI and none of this happened in the world. We're at the point in the cycle where the examples of slop are just slop themselves. Slop mouth eating slop tail.

I dipped my entire baby in SPF 100 yet somehow he still suffered horrendous sunburn to his heels. If only there had been some allegorical story to help me anticipate this!!

why do none of the major car shopping sites let you filter by the most important feature? (which side the gas tank is on.)

"a-hole" and "b-hole" mean the same hole??? i swear English is the worst language.

I asked them about you at the Nut Mobile and they had never heard of you

my pilot got picked up for the fall! it's called "Two and a Half Sheldons" and it stars Sheldon. Sheldon, and Young Sheldon.

Getting the dentist to use the filling material to connect all your teeth into one big tooth? We call that a "Human Dentipede"

I bring a certain awkward energy to the top of the ladder that safety officers don't really like

Spoiler for The Mandolorian and Grogu: Drung Bunto, who the fandom presumed dead after the attack on Porkusan depicted in a short-run comic, is actually alive! His survival is attributed to The Force.

i'm getting suspicious that not every game show that claims it is actually "America's favorite"

Crazy how teeth need to be professionally cleaned every six months. No logical reason for why teeth cleaning and the amount of time the earth takes to revolve around the sun would line up, yet they do. Kinda enough to make you believe in intelligent design.

babe, promise me you'll never use chatgpt and short-form vertical video in the same day. your brain isn't built to withstand two cooking methods simultaneously.

everyone needs to shut up about me taking my 14 foot trump flag off my f-350. it's NOT because i changed my mind. i simply need to reduce drag until gas drops back below $7/gallon.

let John Woo make a Star War

Scene set in an office? You know the set dresser is gonna put one of these bad boys on the desk

Netflix got $2.8 billion for not buying Warner Bros. and I just want to say that it's a fair number and we should normalize giving $2.8 billion to people who didn't buy Warner Bros. and coincidentally I also didn't buy Warner Bros.

every day i think about Jonas Salk or Alexander Fleming saving hundreds of millions of lives and continuing to live like regular people. And then Zuck made a website so he could know when hot girls would be at the library and decided this made him the most important person in human history.

i'm bottling up all of my feelings about how politics and the economy work, all of the contradictions and absurdities and indignities, but the thing that will eventually make me lose my mind is clicking "remember this device for 30 days" every fucking day when i log into the same web site.

I'm just going to back into the pole on my way out of the driveway right now and take down my own electricity. Better than waiting and worrying.

Not a Mets fan, but this slogan has been resonating with me lately

The president deserves a brand new Boeing airplane, built right now, with all the contemporary workmanship! Don't overthink it too much, just give him whatever rolls off the line next.

Get the fuck out of here

social media would be infinitely better if when you start replying to a post, the OP saw the "..." so they knew you were typing. And then when you hit the back button and don't reply, they can feel relieved. And when something goes viral, they could see thousands of "..." icons. That would be fun.

don't look at wrestlers, they're just doing all that for attention