Cal Darin (is making adventures!)

When you’re teasing her first thing and she needs to stay quiet and you growl in her ear “Does my pussy want to cum?” She gets… bitey.

Folks. 18 might be legally an adult, but it’s still too young for me to feel comfortable with them as followers. Updated my profile to reflect this.

Shoutout to the enterprising spiders in our garage who have encased the bug light with webs. I don’t need to change the sticky paper if I’m providing an all you can eat buffet!

Claire: YOU CAN’T DEMAND KISSES AFTER BEING WEIRD. …. (5 seconds of silence) Claire: Wait. I don’t want to set that precedent

Got the Lego Batman game to couch co-op with the gremlin while I can’t walk. And starting with the Batman Begins storyline is an interesting choice.

Claire and I going out wearing matching flannels and other completely heterosexual things

We took the gremlin to see “forgotten island” today And holy fuck was it a blast. It’s an over the top fever dream that blends the hangover and Filipino folklore.

36 hours until I’m (hopefully) cleared to walk again. The horny posting will resume sometime after that. Just gotta get back on my feet

As always I’m a few years late to the gaming party, but an upside to the surgery last week is that the enforced rest lets me catch up on my backlog. The God of War reboot is phenomenal. I am a sucker for dads striving to be better than their dad. Admittedly Zeus is a low bar, but still.

Listen. I just want to tie a good boy to a chair and then tease him until he’s a leaking mess before seeing how far I can make him spurt using just my hands. Is that too much to ask?

I no longer have a screw loose!!

Just gotta get through the weekend And then it’s surgery time 😬

I introduced the gremlin to the concept of “character generation” today and we made a super stripped down character together. Folks, please meet “Kindly,” the Anhanguera archeologist (Anhanguera is her favorite sort of dinosaur)

If Claire ever divorces (or murders) me, it will 100% be because whenever we’re out of a specific spice, I take this jar out along with a sifter and say “don’t worry- we can just sift it out of here!” (Today it was Thyme)

Gotta love the circular phone tag of American healthcare. I need more surgery on the jankle. I need a pre-surgery health screening with my PCP The surgeon's office won't schedule me until I have the PCP appointment scheduled My PCP's office won't schedule the appointment without a surgery date Yay.

I feel like I should come with this warning label 😈

Forget a cherry stem- this guy tied the Gordian knot with his tongue

Timeline cleanse!!! Toast makes an excellent guard cat(until she gets bored and knocks the castle over)

WHY DOES CTHULHU HAVE SO MUCH CAKE? #gencon

GM: “A blue dragon, a gold dragon, and a blue dragon land in front of you.” Me (playing a doggo person): “Three grey dragons. Got it.”

Say hello to the MANGLER FISH!!!

On the road to run some games at GenCon!!!!!

(Takes a hit) THE STABBINGTON BROTHERS WERE BETRAYED FIRST!

Weird way to say “knot,” but go off I guess.

Toast has emerged from her lair to ask “What’s some good news you’ve had this week?”

No matter how hard I try and and joke about Zeus, he always fucks my punchline

NERD ALERT! Apparently I make my own ttrpg terrain now

Before you fall in love with me You should know that I make up sea shanties about Claire’s ass.

Today in “What Did I Do to Earn This Life?” Our girlfriend went on a weed run and grabbed some stuff for me She swung by to drop it off, and Claire got home from work SUPER early That was 2 hours ago and now I’m changing the sheets 😈

I’m now the announcer for Claire’s roller derby team. Calling my first game today- and I’m having a hard time not going “THAT’S MY WIFE! SHE IS THE BEST!” Every time she comes out to jam

Friends don’t let friends do drugs. (Jk, she shoved her head in a box of corn starch and looks like she’s regretting her decisions)

OKAY FINE THE LEGO SMART BRICK THINGS ARE COOL. We built a turret that makes pew pew noises when you a trigger, and if you knock it over it goes BOOM! (Spending 24 hours alone with the gremlin in the woods building legos and watching star wars!!)

Toast Says Trans Rights.

Remember gentlemen! We can all do our part to bridge the orgasm gap! Current ratio in our household today stands at 40f to 1m.

Our long term relationship goal is to be like Jamie and Ricardo, a gay couple in their 80s who ride a recumbent tandem bike together in all weather and wear matching outfits. I’ve seen them getting ice cream together and they are so happy and in love. Just a beautiful thing to see

Claire and I are introducing our girlfriends to each other and we’re all happily day drunk and having a blast. I must have done something amazing in a past life.

“The couple that flexes together, sexes together.” Me to Claire post both of us lifting. In other news I’m single now, who want me?

Hey it’s Father’s Day. As someone who had an abusive dad, fatherhood was always something that scared me because I was terrified I’d end up just like him. Looking at the gremlin now and realizing the most common sound she makes is uncontrollable giggling, I’ve never been more sure I was wrong.

Got into a car crash today (someone ran a red light) I’m okay, but the car is probably totaled On the bright side, the EMT started to ask if my calf was swollen up, then paused, poked it, and said “Oh wait that’s just muscle. You are very athletic” So I’ve got that going for me!

Threat level midnight? Someone call Michael Scott

Sex where you’re both trying to high five each other afterwards but you’re both so spent and the room is spinning so you keep missing.

There is nothing that inflates the ego like fucking my wife into a quivering puddle on the couch, only to do the same to our girlfriend while Claire recovers… several times over.