Buzz Kill

The Smiths are so annoying like "I need a job but I lost my job but I found a job but I don't want a job" like bröther life sucks shut up

Question- Can you 6' 4" and still be a silly little guy? And in case your wandering, haha, yeah its me ladies

"If you read this, you are gay, LMAO"

If the shooter had killed a leftist podcaster, he would have a multi million dollar Go Fund Me to cover his legal fees tomorrow, and an interview lined up with Charlie Kirk.

if you have a billion dollars you should be legally designated a dragon and any human can adventure against you

Wonder if they found out that the first two suspects they've already released were on the right and immediately let them go without further investigation

Watch it turn out to be some MAGA chud mad about Charlie Kirk deflecting on the Epstein files

Cute date idea- I die first and then you put my ashes into one of those tree seed pods and then years down the road when you die and my tree is big and strong you can be ground up and turned into fertilizer for my tree

I'm just over here gatekeeping slurs you can't even imagine for marginalized groups you've never even heard of.

EXCLUSIVE: “This is an individual tragedy as well. Autism destroys families, but more importantly, it destroys our greatest resource, which are our children’s brains… autistic brains have a diminished flavor profile, and we need to put an end to it,” says brain worm controlling RFK.

“You wore that badge to shield yourself from consequence. But you knew what you were doing.” -Frank Castle

BREAKING NEWS: Giant dork yaps for 8 hours while America gets absolutely wrecked for decades, if not permanently, effectively accomplishing nothing. "We'Il get 'em next time!" Hakeem Jeffries says to reporters as ICE escorts him to Alligator Alcatraz

Study a broad?? Sir, they prefer to be called women now.

Where you piss vs. where the guy she tells you not to worry about pisses

Anyone notice the bats are out during the day now? They've grown feathers.

Call me prince charming cause I'm in to feet

Touching grass isn't enough. I need terrible things to happen to powerful people.

Filled a Pringles can with ground beef, boom, it’s date night.

Bro please come to the rave with me. It's in the basement of a pizza place. It costs $50 to get in and everyone is going to be K'd out of their minds. It starts at 3am it's going to be really fun bro. The DJ has 4 sexual assault allegations it's awesome I swear

just left out an unlabeled container of chocolate-covered green olives at the potluck, now just waiting patiently for a fight to break out

Like my cologne? It's called 13 hour shift.

Her: "I'm cold" Me: *peels skin off and hands it to her* "m'lady"

im so easy-going and funny that if i were a greek philosopher my name would be Whimsicles

JD Vance before meeting the pope

Ok, fine you guys. I'll do it. I'll be the pope.

He Is Rizzin' Happy Easter

In the spirit of Easter- So you're trying to tell me this king dom cums?

Damn shorty are you a climate activist cause you got that

I don't care about you? I put my vape down to hold your hand and I don't care about you? Get real.

The poors can't even afford wood in their cars anymore. What are they supposed to knock on?

Girls that are in to you are simply the greatest. You're just like here's the dumbest shit I've ever thought of in my life and they're like "oh babe that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard let's do sex on each other"

At some point in their life women have dated one of three men- 1) rat boy 2) cryptozoologist 3) domestic terrorist

Lost my glasses today but it's ok I've seen enough

Born by blood to be rootin', forced by beans to be tootin'

Guess it's just one of those days Fred Durst was rapping about

Staring an Onlyfans but it's just videos of me licking the taco bell nacho cheese out of that slutty little clear plastic ramekin

It's April fools and I'm patiently waiting at home for Ashton Kutcher to show up with all the people and things I loved and lost over this last year.

Me: Nope, it's monogamy for my hog 'n me. Poly person: ... Me: I'm really sorry.

At this point I'm running on nicotine, caffeine, weed, plenty of water, three meals a day, 8 hours of sleep a night and the love and support of my friends alone.

Carry on my wayward son. There will be pizza and refreshments when you are done.

I be up in my study. straight "Chuck'n it." And by "it" Haha. let's justr say. my Palahniuk.

It's crazy there are so many people saying "I know the pieces fit" when they haven't even watched them fall away fr

mosquitos won't suck on you if you have enough ghosts in your blood

Tales from my mid 30's- I sneezed in bed this morning and blew my left knee out.

(Flirtatiously) Hey buddy I saved the wenor shaped nuggie for you