bstrang.bsky.social

No, I will NOT shove a potion bottle up my dog's ass, thank you very much!

Dan Levy Slams Shane Gillis’ ‘SNL’ Monologue: “Speechless That Something Like That Can Exist On Live National Television” deadline.com/2026/10/dan-...

Stairs are just pixelated ramps.

Ever notice that you never see Brad Majors and Super A-Sol in the same place at the same time?

In case of fire: break glass. In case of earthquake: assume glass is already broken.

No, I don't think I will.

How about a werewolf movie where everyone who sees a transformation chooses one of the OTHER three Fs?

The vocal nerve gets in everybody's song. The vocal nerve gets in everybody's song.

No wonder it's so bloody hard to make all three trapdoors line up when I'm wearing long underwear in the winter! Look how off-center this is!

I wonder how many chihuahuas they had to milk to make this much cheese?

Chonilla

Imagine if metal music were subdivided into nickel, copper, tin, etc.

I have herpes simplex, but I need crabs now. Call JG Wasntworth: 877- CRABS NOW.

This Munch has been altered from its original version. It has been formatted to fit your Scream.

A bionic gluteus maximus is an arse technica.

I've just realized Batman DOES have a superpower: he can keep a black car clean.

Damn, Google! What did Avon do to you?

These spatulas are hung like a 2-dimensional bra.

You had ONE JOB!

Where do I sign up?

A nudist-run newspaper called, "The Barenaked Daily."

Apparently, I'm supposed to starve.

Cuptumber. It's like a mix between a cucumber and September: I should've gone to bed an hour or two ago.

A didgeridoo synthesizer is a digittydoo.

Show 'em how Funky Kong is your flight. It doesn't matter which Kremling you fight. Just beat it.

Interviewer: Of all the characters from Greek Mythology, who would you marry, bang, and kill? Clytemnestra: ...That's a rather sensitive topic.

No one gives better DIC than them.

Oh, I thought we were talking about Bill, da Bear.

You can drink a horse, too, but water it can't make lead.

Whoever invented turning the turn signal "halfway" on: your mom cheated on her husband with her own bio brother and you popped out.

Cane sugar... Cane it hard.

You see a six foot long spider with a slick hairdo, a white coat, and a Tennessee accent. It tells you you ain't nothing but a hound dog.

You might be from Cleveland if your American football chant goes, "Here we go nowhere, here we go!"

A man dressed as a jester was admitted to the hospital recently after a car crash. He is in ICU, condition stable, and is expected to make a fool recovery.

We don’t deserve dogs 🐶 🥲♥️ Good morning friends!

There should be Wallmasters on the interstate that top out at 50 MPH, so anyone merging below 50 gets put back at the beginning of the on-ramp.

I just saw a woman wearing a "GAP" shirt but the way it was folded, I couldn't see the top of the P and I thought it said, "GAY."

A few weeks ago, I got a text from a scammer. I think I handled it well.

Why does this cleaning robot remind me of a Dalek?

The existence of Beelzebub implies the existence of Ayelzebub and Ceelzebub through Zeelzebub.

Me: [plays a random note] Me: [plays another random note] Me: [Keeps playing from there] Piano: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing in A maj. Me: I'm not religious and it's not Xmas, but that's what the piano's playing. I don't make the rules.

What if I started referring to cutlery as "stabbery"?

Choking on cotton balls is how you die of natural gauzes.

share.google/vtNeH468MYo7...

My boss confused RDT and RTD, so now I have to piss in a Doctor Who script.

Juice Documentary is the opposite of Pulp Fiction.

I was just at this place where people I didn't know were putting their fingers in my mouth! Anyway, my dentist appointment went well.