raisin bird

tonight! on my 38th birthday i am cohosting flanland, live in the studio with the crumplers! spooky music you can play at a party, flan’s got a soundboard, scary stories(?)! what more could you want! 7 pm cst wfmu.org/sheena

getting secret messages from 2003 Liz Phair

morning people think that not-morning people are like, “too tired to run”. they have no idea. i spent the first 30 minutes of my day today thinking about whether the saline spray that says “100% pure ingredients” means that the ingredients are 100% pure or that the spray is purely 100% ingredients

if i come upon a sleeping guard while sneaking through the castle, i’m bonking them on the head, putting on their armor, and catching 40 more winks

thank god i love my mother, the woman i am obviously becoming

how to be nice with michael onion

poem i wrote for a baby

when the cat is away the mice will play. ok this all sounds very cute. where is the cat going

tuff guy friday

some profile on this lad

spaghetti boy

You are welcome weary traveler. By what means did you come here? Gas, grass, or ass? It is said nobody rides for free.

MASSIVE RELAX

the pizza wanter has logged on

unloaded the wrong pics, TGF

bought a craigslist turntable from a belarusian man who was blasting pink floyd “i need a dirty woman” at stadium volume through his wide open front door, who greeted me by pointing at the speakers and saying, with absolutely no emotion, “this rocks”

my wife is at working making us money :)

my mind is very limber

look at his proud lil walk

michael falls asleep at the window

computer enhance

fäₜₕₑᵣ ₘₐy ᵢ ₕₐᵥₑ ₐ bïₜₑ

st peter: (watching a super-cut of what’s supposed to be significant moments from my life but its mostly just throwaway scenes from Mad Men and Sex in the City) this is stuff you liked?? me: (smiling) no. just stuff i remembered

not only was i convinced that this would be enough information to remember the joke, i was pretty sure there was no way i was going to forget it anyway

its tuff guy friday

motes

very mindful

was locked out of my account for like 12 hours so i had to post in the notes app

at the ancient egyptian club like yo is that 𓈎𓉔𓅲𓆑𓅲

the assistant coach’s job is to saying everything the head coach is saying but an octave lower and on a two second delay

need to get 4,000 years older so that i can join this mummy discord

if god didnt want us to eat slop then he wouldnt have let beans rice and veg get so wet together in a pan

samuel taylor coleridge telling his publisher what his new poem is about

goshzilla

another new bumpersticker idea

ITS TUFF GUY FRIDAY

kinda dont appreciate that the “life gets hard” guy has my posture

dumb world

yeah

cinematic parallels

TUFF GUY FRIDAY STANCE

i am the wiseman at the top of the mountain and my alarm is the seeker come to me for advice. and it’s always the same: go back to sleep for 9 minutes

love how quickly sam cooke goes from half-hearted to existential on a song where hes obviously just trying to cash-in on dance craze

love all the constraints everyone made up for themselves and locked into for Lexi's call! today from @bryanthomasdaly.bsky.social "This poem uses verbatim texts, sent between me and my wife, in winter of 2025. ... The poem is shaped like Minnesota, where we live."

younger trader joes cashier: have you tried these scallion pancakes yet me: (with the terrified sternness of a third grader with one line in the play) It’s Giving Dinner

maple leaf samara looks like a beautiful koi fish but i’m not freaking out because ive seen two things before

lost in the archives

✍️✍️✍️