𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧

#NotIntoKansasOrTotoAnymore

#BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙉𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝘿𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙪𝙡𝙖 𝙎𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙? Looking for something “off the beaten path” for your Halloween viewing this year? Try this Emmy-winning 1979 ABC special, complete with the vintage advertisements! #Halloween 🎃 #TheHalloweenThatAlmostWasn’t

“𝙸𝚝’𝚜 𝚊 𝚠𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚜.” Looking for something “off the beaten path” for your Halloween viewing this year? Try this Emmy-winning 1977 ABC special, complete with the vintage advertisements! #Halloween 🎃 #HalloweenIsGrinchNight

𝗢𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆𝗲𝘀𝗾𝘂𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗯𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗸-𝗼𝗿-𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝙢𝙮 𝗱𝗼𝗼𝗿.

#OnlyConsideredNewsOnBluesky

I’ve heard stories, “scuttlebutt” if you will, that there are folks out there that use a knife (or similar object) to spread the frosting… are you ready? …onto other foodstuffs for consumption. Yes! Exactly what you’re thinking! No spoon!! They dilute it by adding it to OTHER things! I shit you not!

#FridayFeeling It’s…

‘member when the Jazzy Jeff Hotline was overwhelmed on March 27, 2022 as millions called to report “𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙝 𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙨” on Chris Rock’s face?

They say a picture is worth a thousand “𝑩𝑰𝑻𝑪𝑯, 𝑷𝑳𝑬𝑨𝑺𝑬”s.

The Blair “Ditch” Project did not go as planned.

Getting through 2026 be like

I tuned in to ‘Saturday Night Live’ a half hour late, so when Shane Gillis apologized to everyone during the goodnights, I thought it was for sinking every single sketch by reading off the cue cards with the saucer-eyed stare of a child seeing hard-core pornography for the first time …𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨:

"Jane catches us ONE TIME and now you're just gonna return me for store credit?!"

Drop some CUTLERY 🥄🖤🔪

Will I be wishing June Allyson a happy birthday 20 years after her passing? Depends™. #IYKYK

In case any of you weren’t feeling ancient today, Jill Whelan is now 6͟0 years old and on her 3rd husband. 😳

“Get it, Prickle? I’m a landline, which makes me nearly as extinct as you!”

Evil, they say, is all about timing.

After seeing ‘Forgotten Island’, I checked the Rotten Tomatoes score and was a little surprised that it’s at 96%. I was expecting it to be higher. 🍅

"Sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome. I guess this explains why everyone calls me handsome."

🎶 Dunst in the wind All we are is Dunst in the wind 🎶

I’ll have a joke about Fortnite in two weeks.

#TheKinkKronikles

“Sir, we’re going to be moving you off the floor. Your… um… 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙡𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙡𝙨 are alarmingly high.”

#TheSimpsons #TheErasTour #KearneyZzyzwicz #TaylorSwift

Hear me out. Macklemore should form a supergroup with all the acts that ditched the tour and call themselves: “𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡-𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐟 𝐄𝐝 𝐒𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐧”. 🤣 ⁱ’ᵈ ᵃᵖᵒˡᵒᵍⁱᶻᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵘⁿ ᵇᵘᵗ ⁱᵗ’ˢ ᶠᵃⁿᵗᵃˢᵗⁱᶜ

BREAKING: Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters will no longer be opening for Ed Sheeran.

#MitchMcConnell #SenateOfTheLivingDead