Bill Compton 🌀

For all the people focusing on half a dozen celebrity deaths in the past 10 days (which is sad)... did you know that worldwide deaths between 16–25 August 2026 ≈ 1.6 million, based on global annual mortality averages. Makes you think, doesn't it.

Bought some crackers to enjoy when I'm next at the beach. Disappointed to find they won't be as good once we get there.

Just been on a conference call with a team of welders. Had no idea what they were talking about. It was riveting.

New food range, from Waitrose

Good to see Meta's AI is offering me some handy (I thank you) suggestions for prompts to ask it about this article

BREAKING - US President makes promise to shit his pants.

All of our Meat, Poultry & Cheese has been certified under the Red Tractor Scheme as a sign of quality food you can trust.

People exploding, a bride shitting themselves in a wedding dress, a man flying off a waterslide a mile up in the air - All these and more are AI slop and I'm tired of seeing it. So I'm now on a personal mission to block every single person/entity that shares it.

Yet another scandal hits the BBC #TimeTravellingDrugDealer #DoctorWho #Friends

I've followed a tap dancing group on Instagram. I'm not interested in the content - I'm only in it for the clicks.

Red wine, white wine or a G&T?

Apologies for the weather. We got our garden furniture out last weekend.

Who's your Daddy? #MayThe4thBeWithYou #StarWarsDay #ALongTimeAgo

I see a lot of people are watching Conclave, but did you know there is a sequel which shows things from an completely opposite angle? It's called Convexed. #Pope

"Popular Searches" on TV this evening, and an insight into how the British public deal with grief. #Pope #Easter

JD Vance just did for the Pope what Liz Truss did for the Queen. #LastHandshake

It's always wise to get your food labelling right when you share your house with other people. #Easter #Chocolate

The Easter Bunny has come! Now don't overdo it today kids, or tomorrow the Keister Bunny will be paying you a visit... and probably whilst you are still asleep #Chocolate

By far, one of the best Doctor Who episodes, ever. Incredibly clever, packed with humour and heart, and breaks all the rules. Absolutely joyous. No spoilers. Doctor Who, Season 2: 2. Lux: www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002b8rr

M25 J10-11 fully closed for the last time? Let's hope so.

Dilemma of the day. Do you bury a dead stick insect horizontally or vertically? Face up, or face down?

We should remove 24 letters of the alphabet. Then it would just be easy.

Embarrassing story. One of the pitfalls of being an actor. I was recognised earlier whilst walking through the High Street. Minding my own business and staring at my phone when... it unlocked.

It's Monday afternoon already? The week is practically over. I'm going back to bed.

Three spare puzzle pieces for sale. No time wasters.

"Unconditional discharge" is also the phrase I like to use to describe Mr Trump.

DINGBATS - you have to try and work out the famous phrase or saying in under a minute. Our 8 year-old daughter's guess? "Panini Hole". Winner.

Alarm goes off. Wake up. Need a piss. Wash hands. Make a coffee. Need a shit. Wash hands. Make breakfast. Need a shower. Get dressed. Busiest 15 minutes of the day.

A trip to A&E should get that bad boy back from the dark.

Without a dude, we all know who will be coming first, and serving first.

Up or off?

Unless they are made of paper... and flushed down the toilet

There is definitely something fishy going on

If there is one thing they messed up on, it's connecting the golden tap to the brown pipe.

When the next recurrence of the meeting comes around, I'll be putting them into colour spectrum order.

I'm so close to the elusive 500 follower mark. Just a few more porn bots and I'll break through. Time to get the bunting up and bake a cake.

Question. I'm cooking dinner tonight, and I'm wondering, which bit of the shepherd do I put in the pie?

I'm not saying the meeting I was just in was boring or tedious, but at the start of it, these were all blunt.

You know the best thing about being awake at 6.45am? Nothing.

Welcome to the remake of Invasion of the (porn)Botty Snatchers

Go on. I dare you. Tell me you are a genuine follower and not a porn bot. Prove my theory wrong that I'm only being followed by autonomous OF grot merchants.

Been rewatching the (original) UK version of Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes. I'd forgotten what quality must-see television (that had a proper series finale) was like. Now, all we get is streamers tripe, with half a story and then it's cancelled. Bring back Sam Tyler, Alex Drake and the Gene Genie.

I seem to be attracting a lot of followers who have zero content, but plenty of OF links. I didn't realise I was so popular amongst that community. I can't think why. Might have to set up my own OF page so I fit in with my new found fan club

So that when it's over, your ass will look like it's been griddled.

Has someone been out on the piss again? #Yellow #Snow #Ice

Organically growing your followers from scratch on social media is like trying to grow a boner over a picture of your Grandma... with her teeth in... in the snow.

Did you know: Today was both the coldest and warmest day of 2025 so far. #ShiteFacts

Roblox has a lot to answer for. #MILKS #MILFS

Last minute present for the wife. What could go wrong?

Did Rover shit on the floor again? Fire that little fucker across the room.