Alan Driscoll

One of my top ten laughs of all time.

See also: the billionaire behind landfill Harry Potter merch and microtransaction-filled slots games accusing me of grifting for a $20 Patreon which doesn't even cover the web hosting fees.

Fuck your flying Tesla, I've a horse outside.

I feel bad for the local businesses that have to change their names when a new terror group emerges. There was a lovely clinic near here called Isis Sports Physio Centre. It's now called Riyad-us Saliheen Brigade of Martyrs Sports Physio Centre.

This didn't frighten me, but frightened my Dad, when immediately after my birth, he arrived home from the hospital, turned on the TV and saw this. He didn't tell anyone for about 15 years, convinced he'd imagined it, by which point IMDB was able to confirm that he hadn't.

My Mum spent Christmas Eve 1984 painstakingly crafting me a lifesize replica of this character, a present that terrified me to the point of insisting it was not just thrown out, but driven to a dump on the other side of the city. (28 years old, I was, etc.)

How do people forget to factor in the final stage of processing AI output, ie. when we assign meaning to it? If our visual language evolved to resemble ripples in water instead of printed hieroglyphs, that wouldn't mean every rock which fell in a lake was suddenly trying to communicate with us.

I regularly force my wife to visit the Caribbean island of Jamaica, the lack of variation in either intention or itinerary unfortunately neutering the comic potential of double meanings and forcing me to answer any follow-up enquiries with a universally applicable "Yes."

Saying "It's like Piccadilly Circus round here" while at Piccadilly Circus.

It took a long while to parse this before realising "yet our answer is" was intended literally and not as exasperated sarcasm.

What if Wilson from Home Improvement was Brian Wilson? And he refused to peek over the fence until you gave Eugene Landy an executive producer credit on Tool Time.

Write a heartwarming coming-out/coming-of-age family comedy in four words: "Hello trans, I'm Dad."

If you want to see how easy it is to regulate AI when the legal incentive is there, simply ask ChatGPT to compile a list of quotes where J.K. Rowling has used virus-based imagery to dehumanise trans people. It's suddenly very strict about what it's able to help you out with.

Life now just feels like that cartoon where the Wile E Coyote clone and the sheepdog clock in, fight all day, then clock out, but with The Left and The Right.

Sandie Peggie is Viz Profanisaurus slang for the anal discomfort experienced following a spontaneous beachside encounter with a sex toy that was not adequately wiped clean of accumulated grit prior to use.

I know it's a rhetorical expression, but The Proclaimers literally look like they enjoy the smell of their own farts. Like they're wine connoisseurs savouring the bouqet of a nice [ChatGPT, insert name of recognisable, amusing-sounding wine here, like that one Paul Giamatti doesn't like in Sideways]

Ed Sheeran once occupied all top 10 positions in the UK singles chart which is why everyone whining about "slop" can go fuck themselves. I've been PRAYING for robots to destroy human culture.

I would simply not enter the Backrooms.

I wonder if The Inbetweeners 3 will pass the Bechdel test.

(6/6)

Apologies for the delay to those of you who've been holding it in, but the official opiumtea.com guide to the guidance is finally here. Follow us at @opiumtea.com or incentivise this nonsense at patreon.com/terfipedia. (1/6)

opiumtea.com @opiumtea.com

A sad day for antipodean phrenologists, as my grandmother used to say.

opiumtea.com @opiumtea.com

The Proclaimers, Right Said Fred and Roisin Murphy don't have an EP's worth of songs between them.

I will be exploring how ordinary civilians became willing participants in the killing fields of the Khmer Rouge in my upcoming book 'Scallywags: How Incorrigible Men got a Bit Rambunctious'.

Easy to ignore tweets at you when you're a public figure in a publication cycle. Less so if you're a 17 year-old trans girl your 600,000 followers are being encouraged to physically track down in the real world.

JK Rowling: "i want trans people to be safe" Also JK Rowling: *financially supports and constantly promotes website started by far right Neo Nazis that incites stochastic terrorist violence against trans people and was banned from Patreon for selling illegal weapons*

Confirmation of J.K. Rowling financially supporting Reduxx.

In case you missed it, she recently finally went on record as funding Genevieve Gluck/Reduxx, so there really can be no excuse for anyone supporting her in any way whatsoever.

I know that @jonronson.bsky.social has to deal with Graham complaining that he didn't mention an unrelated murder trial, and nobodies like me complaining that he didn't mention 90% of Graham's abuse, but the key difference is, one of those things is actually relevant to the book he was writing.

Not to mention the cesspit of unravelling masculinity brewing in his Substack comments section.