5oclockjohn.bsky.social

I hope no one on the worship team wears a shirt that says Billabong tomorrow at church. I'd like to have a peaceful Sunday.

I think I'm gonna take a little break from pooping.

I'll be honest, sometimes when I wear a dress shirt and shorts I feel a little like Baby Huey

Me and the gnats are enjoying my dinner.

Why do I feel like whenever I buy a new TV I have to have all of my rights violated before I can use it?

Every episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse ending with a Hot Dog Dance is bizarre beyond my ability to articulate.

It's almost midnight. As I lay in bed, I can't help but feel that I can't wait to have a couple hot links for lunch tomorrow. Just 12 hours to go.

How is it already almost Christmas?

I'm honestly really annoyed by how good AI music is.

Why tf is my beard gray all the sudden!?

Just pulled up to Dollar General. Saw someone from church go in. Now I've got to wait in my car til I see them leave.

My daughter's pediatrician didn't know what VBS was. Should we switch?

I see this and all I can think is how good those tacos look.

New rule for the Midwest: if it's over 90° VBS is cancelled!

I just want to know what happened to Gmail's spam filter? All the sudden it doesn't know that I don't want a bunch of identical car insurance quotes from other countries?

My wife and I have 3 children, a 3 year old and twin infants. People: Heeyyy! Are you guys staying at camp this year!? In your little trailer? For all 9 days?? Me: Are you stupid?

I think someone stole my fingernail clippers from my office. My best guess is it was the janitor, probably because he's tired of my nail clippings getting stuck in the carpet.

This year on July 4th, America will celebrate 161 years of freedom for men! And 105 years of freedom for women! (and 250 years for white men)

Ordering tacos a bit ago- Me: Can I get 8 tacos w/ just chicken & cheese on corn tortilla? Him: Ok what do you want here, American style w/ lettuce & tomato? Me: No just chicken & cheese Him: Elaborate, what does that look like? Me: 8 tacos w/ just chkn & cheese Him: How many beef? Me: No beef

Following Interview: "Okay sir, we'd love to offer you the job, we just want to make sure that once we do, your wife will be taking a volunteer position in the company and you will give us back ten percent of the paycheck we give you." Could you imagine a company saying this?

There are FAST GROWING and LARGE communities of users being betrayed by Meta with NO options to solve the problem. It's tragic.

My biggest problem with the movie What's Eating Gilbert Grape is that I've never once heard Grape as a surname in real life. It completely takes me out of the movie.

When I fall asleep, I hope I dream about being asleep

Baby pacifiers are the biggest scam on the market. "Here's something that will fall out of your baby's mouth in 7 seconds. Then they'll scream as loud as they can."

Yesterday I burnt my mouth on some hot soup. Today my mouth still feels charred. It was not worth it. Hot broth, while good, is not that good.

McDonald's needs to come out with Egg McNuggets. I don't have any other details on what they should be. I just want a breakfast Egg McNugget.

Today, neither my mother nor president Trump wished me a happy Easter. What is the world coming to?

Today I am 42. The answer to life, the universe, and everything. Now, if only I knew what the question was.

I love American cheese. And I'm tired of pretending like I don't.

Why is the 1988 New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh kinda scary? Pooh ain't supposed to be scary.

Is Donald Duck ok? Is anyone checking in on him?

How do we know that in Free Willy, the whale did not know sign language? I think it did, it just couldn't use it cuz it had no hands. So in that sense, it's like Congo, in that it's a movie about a person trying to return a sign language capable animal back to the wild.

Homeward Bound is really a movie about Shadow's poor decision making abilities.

On mornings like this I wish I drank coffee.

Today a "Christian pastor" told me they do not eat pork because they don't think she's supposed to. My heart grieves.

Can AI do my taxes?

I am, in fact, the king of fluffy.

Honestly, they just don't make cottage cheese like they used to anymore.

Sour cream has really grown on me a lot in the last year.

I never had any issues with MySpace...

Things are looking more and more like Terminator every day.

This is me without Facebook.

Lately I've been making fried eggs instead of scrambled eggs. It's been kinda exciting!

There's church people having a work day around the parsonage. I'm closing the blinds to my windows so they don't see me doing yard work in Stardew Valley instead of real life.

Thinking about canceling Bible study so I can stay home and play Stardew Valley.

How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing Cracker Barrel has a new ...nugh, I can't even finished this post. It's all so dumb. I can't even make a joke out of it.

Things to do today: Look at 500 different pictures every 20 minutes ✔️

Drudge Report: Trump on the List CNN: Trump and Epstein MSNBC: Epstein and Trump Fox News: Was Obama rude to a hotdog vendor in the early 90s??