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Will Fertman
@willfertman.com

SO MUCH oralist rhetoric boils down to "If you teach your child ASL, you'll lose them to the terrible Deafs." As an imperfect father (and mediocre signer) I would like to stake my position clearly: we want our kids to go no-contact because of our personality disorders, not lack of language.

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Will Fertman
@willfertman.com

Language deprivation is going to make for tough family relationships to start with—even if (especially if) it sabotages your kid's independence. And if it doesn't, dinner table syndrome very well might—there's no better reason to go low-or-no contact with fam if you don't get anything FROM contact.

Will Fertman
@willfertman.com

But there are even higher-level meta-resentments that I see with the deaf children of oralist parents: Feeling like you weren't worth learning sign for. Feeling like you were kept from community for selfish reasons. Feeling constant pressure to "be normal."

Will Fertman
@willfertman.com

Learning ASL isn't a panacea for parents; you've still got to actually, y'know, raise your child. This isn't simple, but staying away from that foundational mistake means that at least you'll know why you weren't invited to your Deaf kid's 7-apex Wiccan furry polycule handfasting in 2045.

Will Fertman
@willfertman.com

I joke, but both the no-contact trend in the wider world and its older cousin in deaf/hearing families comes from forms of abuse that have been recognized by professionals for decades, but which have been either invisible or trivialized until very recently in American culture.