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Make eye contact for more than a nanosecond

I think if you could go through their texts, they would stand by their story a fair bit better than Fox.

Yeah, they arent even bothering to make stuff up!!!

He can’t pretend to be an architect. That job’s taken.

Yep, be a good person

They won’t be sending their own, they’ll be sending us. It’s a one way trip.

Where is Rand's neighbor? We have a little job for him.

Isn’t Elon kind of the George Santos of the tech bro world, when you think about it?

being hot

I DON’T THINK THAT SUCKER’LL FLOAT!!!

Of coarse he did

Elon Musk is a cocksucking daddy's boy nazi scum bag who ain't shit and he hasn't ever done shit without being a beneficiary of south afrikan apartheid which he is trying his best to import to America. Get fucked back to wherever you came from Elon you PIECE OF SHIT

Can President Elon really handle all this responsibility?

🤪😝😜 and so very sad

You're late. Marge beat you to it.

🤬🤬🤬

#ElonMusk called his immigration status a 'gray area' while discussing the 1990s. Zip2, the company Elon founded in 1995. “We were illegal immigrants gizmodo.com/watch-elon-m...

Is this still satire?

He can’t pretend to be a decent human being. It’s like the alien in men in black wearing the human skin. Sugar. Need sugar. In Water.

Where is Rand Paul's neighbor when you need him?

I think the answer is have empathy

I sat through 3 YouTube videos where Rand is accusing Fauchi of a coverup on lab developed Covid-19 because my friends wanted to prove to me that Fauchi is guilty of the pandemic’s origin. Rand is an asshat. Thought he didn’t like the answers but realized Rand didn’t understand the answers.

😂

This was what first caught my eye, too. The rest of the Onion is simply sharing stupid shit from our actual timeline.

The sad part about this is that a person like Musk is definitely possible this go around...

Let MAGAS decide - Should someone from Africa be allowed to be Speaker of the House of the United States?

Hey, Onion, I thought you wrote satire!

Congress installs a ‘Bring Your Billionaire to Work Day’

Floats is the correct verb

Faking empathy would be beyond his skill set.

F him!

Elmo not give a crap.

It's the best movie out right now! 😂