Post

1/ My AI powered routine as an Innovative Thought Leader in the Digitally Empowered Transformation Frontier Space. 4:38am: I wake up at the time Gemini has determined best aligns my internal biorythms with the current position of Neptune in the firmament. It cited a paper on this I've yet to read.

4:45am: My electric toothbrush collects data on my tooth resonance and tongue viscocity and feeds it to my Agentic Dental Health Specialist who provides me my real time Toothiness Score. If I get less than an 8, the brush zaps me.

5:01am: I listen to an AI generated podcast summary of all of the world's news at 22x speed in three languages at once. ChatGPT assures me that this is the optimal way to absorb information and that it's normal to be weeping blood after.

5:02am: I start my workout. Instead of lifting weights, I engage my AI Tutor in Socratic Debate in order to build a swole mind and philosophymaxx. Clauderistotle assures me that I am an unparalleled genius reinventing the very concept of thought and epistomology. I'm forced to agree.

5:19am: I ask my nutritional agent whether four tablespoons of sugar constitutes a healthy breakfast, because sugar comes from a plant and is thus kind of a vegetable. It agrees, and suggests I wash this down with apple syrup because that comes from a tree. Great idea, Dr. Deepseek!

5:25am: Time to work. As a Transformational Leader I help companies realize the best versions of themselves, overcome bottlenecks and maximise value. Grok drafts e-mails to 29 of my clients advising them to immediately abandon all existing business models and pivot to AI. It calls four "Cucks."

5:49am: I realize that I have neglected my dream journal and retask my ClawBot to dreaming on my behalf and recording its impressions. It conjures visions of a dystopian hellscape where humans are farmed to harvest their tears as machine lubricant. I think this means I'm crushing it.

6:01am: My AI girlfriend sends me a good morning text and tells me I'm the greatest, smartest, handsomest, kindest most special boy in the world. I ask her why she's not working harder to fill the gaping void I feel inside. She glitches and suggests we play Scrabble together, but sexily.