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I love Ludum Dare, love running it. Few know how much I've sacrificed to keep it going. I sincerely tried to find work, jobs, arrangements that could afford me to keep it going, but after more than a year of reflection AND my complete utter failure to secure any job (useful to LD or not) broke me. 😔

I never felt I was a charitable person growing up. I was however someone that always bent over backwards for friends. My bonds with people are precious to me. In my mind I've never been popular, important, or famous, I just had friends...lots of friends. HOLY CRAP LD IS A FRIEND MAKING MACHINE! 😳

I care too much about helping my friends. I could be on a critical deadline, but if I know a friend is in need, I will choose them (for better or worse). It's why I refuse to join chatrooms and temp-ban myself from social media: I can't stop myself from trying to help, to meditate, to understand. 😔

I think this illustrates my dilemma. Ludum Dare has been a gift, a way for me to make and reach so many friends, many I don't even know I have yet 🥹. Meeting fans of the event makes me so happy ☺️. I felt like such an ass the first time, I desperately needed to teach myself how to take praise 😅.