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I just went to a music festival. I made people cry from the jokes I told. I made people cry from the support I gave them. Why the fuck do I keep making people cry? My goal is to leave people feeling nonplussed. This is completely plussed.

I was camping next to 2 trans women, who are wonderful human beings. But they were loud as hell. I kept saying, “Keep it down, girls! I’m trying to sleep!” They were really touched that I was calling them girls. That’s nice, but it’s not a stretch for me. And also, shut tf up, friends. God. I’m old.

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