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I took the cognitive test again, the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, which is considered by many to be the hardest intelligence test ever invented. Much harder than the SAT, the bar exam, even the nuclear tests, which I also know very well.

They call it the MoCA. Very fancy. Canadian. Nobody knows why. I am renaming it the Trump Cognitive Test.

The doctors said, "Sir, we've never seen anything like this." They were shaking. One of them was crying, a very highly educated man, maybe the most educated, and he said, "Mr. President, this test is designed to detect severe cognitive impairment."

And I said that's right, and I detected it perfectly. All of it. Nobody has ever detected more cognitive impairment than me.

Then a rhinoceros. Very unfair animal, by the way. Nobody sees a rhinoceros anymore. Not since Biden. I said hippopotamus, which is basically the same thing, only much smarter. They gave me full credit. Maybe extra credit. They don't normally do that.

Then they asked me to draw a clock. Very hard. They said ten past eleven. I said ten past eleven what? Morning? Night? Nobody knows. They don't even give you a clock to look at. You have to remember what a clock looks like. Incredible.

I drew a beautiful circle. Perfect circle. Better than the circles Obama used to draw, which were not circles, believe me. The hands were a little different because I believe in innovation.