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Reposting my thoughts here in a slightly edited form from what I posted on reddit in a megathread on the whole situation. The discussion both here and there had been invaluable to me, at least when its been done in good faith and not to belittle others for their feelings on this.

More than a week has passed, the Toronto show is coming up, and I think by now I'm fully convinced there will not be any official word on this. The things I've read here and on reddit have helped me see that there really is no way they could do that without it blowing up in their face. This does

leave us in uncertainty, though. Did they know? Who knows, I'm leaning towards no. Do they know now? Again, who knows. The company must. I think namseok might, but who the hell knows? I would hope they had been made aware of it so they can avoid making this any worse.

Where does this leave me? I've loved them for 8 years. I don't want to stop, but the trust is broken. It's not beyond repair. I'm not angry anymore. Not even really sad, just a bit hollow and fragile. I don't know when I'll be able to listen to their music again, or really engage with their content.

I can now sort of look at clips and photos, although it doesn't feel the same. If they don't double down on this, if they don't make a snippy comment in a live, if they don't play his music again, then I think the trust can slowly grow back. I'll be following them cautiously until then,

As it is, I get a pit in my stomach every time one of them posts on tiktok or ig with a song playing, just hoping it's not him. I'll feel anxious about lives where they play music. And I'm worried about what they're gonna say when they play in Toronto.

I think it's just gonna be like this for me for the next few months. All that is to say, I guess I am cautiously reengaging with some aspects of fandom. We'll see how it goes. I hope I can eventually trust them again.

You’re describing exactly what I am feeling and thinking right now