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Having failed to secure the Snickers or M&Ms that were my original objectives, sources tell the Washington Post I will now be refocusing all energy on extracating my hand from where it is stuck inside the vending machine and restoring said machine to the working order it was in prior to my arrival.

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This is already a monumental clusterfuck. When your actions create the condition that you are fighting to remove, you should have left well the fuck enough alone. GOP arselicking sheep. Israel a clear and present danger to every living person on the planet and fing insane apparently. Trump 💩 🍊

And somehow, I deserve a medal for my struggles against vending machines. And the sweets were stale anyway, i bever wanted them.