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Argh. Finally figured out what was going on with lightdm. sessions-directory= in /etc/lightdm/lightdm.conf was set to "/etc/X11/Sessions" when it should've been set to "/usr/share/xsessions:/usr/share/wayland-sessions". lightdm wants to see a : separated list of dirs containing .desktop files,

not a dir full of shell scripts. So I've solved all the problems with my current computer setup (I think). Either I have to create new problems, or drink beer. Both options are on the table.

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