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i just keep getting myself into doomspiral after doomspiral all because my brain wants to be more worried about things that are just out of my control. it leaves me like a tumultuous pile of rage and uselessness that it feeds my unabomber goblin living in my brain.

its why i dont really interract here. it feels redundant for me to just get mad for no reason and not do anything about it. thinking that scrolling more would in fact solve everything but no, it just grows tumours inside of me.

the little unabomber goblin thinks that blowing up every single government is the solution but it isnt. it is not. it just harms everyone including me. i want to create. thats what i want to do.

im a fucking coward that lives in his own privaleged life because im scared. i can do what i can but god forbid i am not ready yet because i don't know shit in my life nor am i prepared. i am so fucking sorry.

late night ramblings because i got myself into this from doomscrolling on stuff that makes me agitated because my monkey brain wants jangly keys 24/7 when in fact i jsut want a rest, a nice tv show to watch and a good early bed. sorry.