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A hilarious play-by-play of the worst ramp deployment I've ever experienced today (@ TfL) The train doors open -- no ramp in sight. I get my wheelchair as close to the edge as I can and see staff member w/ ramp down the platform. I flag him down. Him: "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS! 1/8

"'I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE! I'M NOT RAMP TRAINED!" He staggers over, puts the ramp down clumsily ... upside-down. Handle-side up. Me: "It's upside down! It has to be flipped over." At this point people behind me are panicking and trying to push past me to get off. 2/8

He turns the ramp around, but just so the bottom end is now at the top. It's still upside down. Me: Ah ... no, not that way! Flip it! LIKE A PANCAKE. FLIP IT LIKE A PANCAKE." (I suddenly recall that pancakes are different in England and hope they still involve flipping) 3/8

The man next to me on the train is now getting involved, also telling him "No, flip it!" He flips it. However, the raised bit on the ramp that fits into a slot in the train to secure it is not secured. I am aware that the ramp may move or fall once I get on it. 4/8

I debate whether to fight that battle with him, but given that it looks ... sort of okay, and the people behind me are really freaking out about not being able to get off the train (amateurs, those able-bodied folk), I decide to risk it and go down the ramp. I do not die! 5/8

I guess Christmas miracles do happen. It's a shame they're just of the surviving-shit-tube-accessibility variety, and never the TfL-actually-lives-up-to-its-accessibility-claims variety. Alas. Jokes aside, TfL, can we address this sort of thing pls. 6/8

Later in the day another TfL staff member told me that at this time of year they have lots of staff covering from different stations, so that may have been the problem -- if his usual station doesn't have ramps. But surely that's something we can foresee/prevent! 7/8